During my drive back to my apartment Saturday night, I located in one of my CD wallets an old mp3 disc I created entitled "mp3 megamix." It contains about 160-odd modern rock songs that have been my favourites throughout the years. Toggling through the tracks on it was entertaining, as I completely forgot what I had put on it, and I was able to hear great songs that I have not played for myself in awhile. That is one good reason why I rarely throw away any of my aging CD-R's, even if I may be tired of them now. Five or ten years from now, I may pull some of them out of storage and play them for myself again, inciting a serious nostalgia excursion.
My musical tastes have far outgrown many of the songs; I was taken aback to discover Godsmack and Disturbed on there. Yeah, it's that old. I consider many of the songs on the disc to be overplayed, unstimulating, or simply stupid. Many of them have become far too stale or "played out" to be listenable ... they just don't have enough 'staying power' to hold my interest for so many years.
Some did, however, prove that they have what it takes to keep me entertained to this day. One of the ultimate standouts was "Sehnsucht" by Rammstein (no, I'm not patronising anyone I know). For some reason, the song sounds mind-blowing on my stereo system when turned to the 23 or 24 volume notch, and is a perfect Halloween melody. I am now reminded why I was so obsessed with them in high school.
Now, on to the messy details of yesterday. No, really, it was very, very messy. I experienced a vintage Nickelodeon moment. Before I get to the best part, though, I suppose I should provide a little background leading up to it so whoever reads this isn't completely lost in the dark.
For the past while, my friend Susi has been working on setting up and hosting a game show for university-sponsored events, modeled after old Nickelodeon game shows like Gak Splat! and What Would You Do? Contestants on these game shows would frequently get slime dumped on their heads for any number of reasons, including answering a question incorrectly or simply stepping out of line. He has a soft spot in his heart for these types of shows as he grew with them, and I actually, in a way, share his sentiment, having been an avid follower of You Can't Do That On Television! so many, many years ago.
So, his quirky sense of humour and fondness for messy fun inspired him to take on this project, which I finally had the opportunity to help out with yesterday ... by being the guinea pig! In the morning, he proposed that I could be the one to have his homemade "slime tank" tested on for proper functionality, if I wanted to. Being a good sport, I agreed. After all, I will always have that juvenile tendency towards wanting to be messy.
After playing various entertaining Pac-Man games in their cozy apartment for awhile, we set out to find a relatively uncrowded location to set the whole business up. Kolekole Beach Park would have been fine, if it weren't for that gang of local toughs hanging out in the pavilion that were looking at us like *gasp* tourists. We moved just a little ways down the road to Hakalau, that enchanting little place beneath the big highway bridge in the lush gulch.
Since we couldn't drive the equipment down to the beach due to the locked gate, we opted to simply set it up in the parking lot. By now, the persistent drizzle had actually ceased, making it easier to turn the bolts that joined the beams of the contraption together. Speaking of which, here are a couple photos of the construction of the apparatus:
slimetank1.jpg
slimetank2.jpg
Just as we were prepared to pour the slime into the tub, a car full of people pulled up, followed by a few hikers. We received a few strange looks and quizzical gazes as one man started to question our intentions purely out of curiousity. He seemed genuinely amused as we explained our project to him, and then wished us look as they all moved on down the road.
Finally, the moment of truth had arrived. I stepped beneath the tank and was offered a choice of either the green pill or the green pill. Why oh why didn't I take the green pill? The countdown began, and in 54321, I was doused in warm, sticky goop. You just can't imagine how liberating it is until you try it... it really brings out the kid in you.
Timberwolf says "I don't know," and gets slimed. View if you dare.
After I scrambled down to the stream and washed the methylcellulose off of me, we finished disassembling the unit and placing the pieces back in our respective vehicles, then headed back to the apartment. Susi and Aku prepared a very savory dinner featuring spaghetti, Hawaiian salad, and some damn good French cheese with crackers. We ate ravenously while listening to Moonspell- perfect dinner/Halloween/everything music. Oh, and I shouldn't neglect to mention that the orange and cola spritzers Aku made were also wonderful. I think I'm loving the products and customs of Germany more by the day!
While I'm posting images...
Susi and Aku in their Halloween get-ups...
...Take 2.
...I still have Pac-Man music in my head. It's catchy as hell.
Oct 31, 2005
Oktober is almost... over... finally... thank Rayg. It has been the longest month of my life.
Anyway, to my Pagan pals, Merry Samhain.
Too bad school has sapped away pretty much all of my spirit and inspiration so that I don't even feel like celebrating anything. But you know what, I'll just go home, see through this shit, grab a nice cold beer, and I will feel a-okay.
While I'm at it, I would like to propose that America follow Singapore's stellar example and permanently ban all chewing gum products in the states or at least impose some type of law requiring that even the most inconsiderate of pricks learn how to chew their sugary enamal-annihilating cud without making a scene.
Anyway, to my Pagan pals, Merry Samhain.
Too bad school has sapped away pretty much all of my spirit and inspiration so that I don't even feel like celebrating anything. But you know what, I'll just go home, see through this shit, grab a nice cold beer, and I will feel a-okay.
While I'm at it, I would like to propose that America follow Singapore's stellar example and permanently ban all chewing gum products in the states or at least impose some type of law requiring that even the most inconsiderate of pricks learn how to chew their sugary enamal-annihilating cud without making a scene.
Oct 29, 2005
Krystal! I've got a couple of blog-related issues you may be able to assist me with. I figure you would be the most likely one to be able to help me with this.
First, the sidebar over there seems to sporadically drift down to the bottom of the page at times. Any idea what that happens? Even removing all the images in my blog and replacing them with hyperlinks didn't solve the problem this time.
Also, I would like to make my comments expand on the same page as your blog does, rather than open in a new window. Is there some special coding you threw in for that?
First, the sidebar over there seems to sporadically drift down to the bottom of the page at times. Any idea what that happens? Even removing all the images in my blog and replacing them with hyperlinks didn't solve the problem this time.
Also, I would like to make my comments expand on the same page as your blog does, rather than open in a new window. Is there some special coding you threw in for that?
Premium bullshit upgrade for a small* fee
http://reflection.timbershadows.com/images/osrazor.jpg
That is supposed to be a razor? Sweet mother of Talbain, upon initial sighting I nearly mistook it for a tennis shoe.
In this rapidly globalizing world, keeping your grip on things is important. Wearing basketball shoes that lack state-of-the-art neon green patent pending Remarkatread(TM) on each sole places you at risk of accidentally sliding on the court at the wrong time and breaking your femur, not to mention making you miss an easy lay-up and look like a scrub. It's a similar story with men's and women's razors! If you aren't using the latest ergonomically enhanced Extreme Champion Duragrip Pro Hyper Mach 22 men's razor from Gillette with interchangeable premium quality Ultrahold double helix handlebar grips, then you just aren't suave and hip enough to be driving a hot, fast muscle car with blacklights on the bottom that help attract beautiful women like moths to your closely shaven Hollywood face. Remember, if your razor slips in your hand at the wrong time, you could be in serious trouble. In addition, you could seriously injure yourself using an inferior product that doesn't include quadruple moisturizing action strips!
It isn't difficult to find evidence that few people ever truly grow up. As a child, I was always drawn to Frosted Flakes because of the lovely blue colour of the box and Tony the Tiger, not to mention the sweet tasting contents within. Now, I am drawn to (out of curiousity, mainly) men's razors that somewhat resemble miniature construction cranes and guarantee a vibrant fusion of comfort, ergonomy, grip (remember, grip is important!), assurance of masculinity, and sex. Children and adults alike are enticed and influenced by glitzy packaging and flashy marketing which makes a razor no longer just a razor and sweetened corn flakes no longer simply sweetened corn flakes. Reading the description on a mainstream brand of shampoo or conditioner supports this notion. When carefully selected glib terms like "fortify," "enrich," "strengthen," "nourish," and "nurture" are used, a chemical formula supposedly does much more than just cleanse your hair.
It doesn't particularly bother me. I just find it amusing how influenced people are by slick advertising, vibrant colours, and excess features on ordinary products. While heading toward the entire aisle full of toothbrushes in the supermarket, I have it set in my mind that I will walk through and choose the cheapest one I can find, knowing that it will hardly function any worse than the new $8 Crest Complete Total Extreme ConfiDENT Grip Plus. You just can't be too much of a sucker in a capitalist society that thrives on exaggeration and superfluity. Not so much of a sucker that you'll be swindled over a toothbrush.
I have noticed one term, however, that has been used in marketing in inexcusable excess: "premium." Just take a look at some of the products around your home or watch a few television commercials, and see if you can't find at least a few instances of that word. It's everywhere, and it doesn't mean shit. "Premium" is an utterly nugatory word. Seriously, it is an adjective completely devoid of all meaning, slapped onto as many product labels as possible for the purpose of burrowing into the consumer's conscious that said product is actually a step above those products that... well, don't say "premium" on them. "Premium quality." "Premium edition." And the worst: "premium upgrade."
I can excuse it as a descriptor for the highest quality petroleum available at a gas station, but I really don't care to see it on my cranberry juice. Similar to the 'a' word, the preposterous overuse of the term is what truly gauls me about it. They would both otherwise if people didn't abuse them to such ridiculous extremes, both in frequency and incorrectness of use. Whereas the 'a' word can be replaced by any number of splendid adjectives I have previously listed, the 'p' word can be dropped altogether in most cases. Of course, that isn't likely to happen any time soon, because people love to make their products sound more important and supreme than they really are by tossing out meaningless terms like bread crumbs onto the lawn of consumership that unfortunately have become almost universally understood and scooped up by the bird-brained masses.
So, in conclusion, you can take your premium fusion of fortified organic blends and nourish your rectum with them. That is, if you can find any room amongst all the extreme awesomeness that embellishes your enrichment.
I am off to go have an awesomely extreme experience at the premium local valley and reflect on rhetoric and Akuro's German desserts (minus Chiquita premium bananas).
But first, someone please tell why I have been listening to the SIRIUS Kid's Tunes music channel for the past hour. I really need to get a grip.
That is supposed to be a razor? Sweet mother of Talbain, upon initial sighting I nearly mistook it for a tennis shoe.
In this rapidly globalizing world, keeping your grip on things is important. Wearing basketball shoes that lack state-of-the-art neon green patent pending Remarkatread(TM) on each sole places you at risk of accidentally sliding on the court at the wrong time and breaking your femur, not to mention making you miss an easy lay-up and look like a scrub. It's a similar story with men's and women's razors! If you aren't using the latest ergonomically enhanced Extreme Champion Duragrip Pro Hyper Mach 22 men's razor from Gillette with interchangeable premium quality Ultrahold double helix handlebar grips, then you just aren't suave and hip enough to be driving a hot, fast muscle car with blacklights on the bottom that help attract beautiful women like moths to your closely shaven Hollywood face. Remember, if your razor slips in your hand at the wrong time, you could be in serious trouble. In addition, you could seriously injure yourself using an inferior product that doesn't include quadruple moisturizing action strips!
It isn't difficult to find evidence that few people ever truly grow up. As a child, I was always drawn to Frosted Flakes because of the lovely blue colour of the box and Tony the Tiger, not to mention the sweet tasting contents within. Now, I am drawn to (out of curiousity, mainly) men's razors that somewhat resemble miniature construction cranes and guarantee a vibrant fusion of comfort, ergonomy, grip (remember, grip is important!), assurance of masculinity, and sex. Children and adults alike are enticed and influenced by glitzy packaging and flashy marketing which makes a razor no longer just a razor and sweetened corn flakes no longer simply sweetened corn flakes. Reading the description on a mainstream brand of shampoo or conditioner supports this notion. When carefully selected glib terms like "fortify," "enrich," "strengthen," "nourish," and "nurture" are used, a chemical formula supposedly does much more than just cleanse your hair.
It doesn't particularly bother me. I just find it amusing how influenced people are by slick advertising, vibrant colours, and excess features on ordinary products. While heading toward the entire aisle full of toothbrushes in the supermarket, I have it set in my mind that I will walk through and choose the cheapest one I can find, knowing that it will hardly function any worse than the new $8 Crest Complete Total Extreme ConfiDENT Grip Plus. You just can't be too much of a sucker in a capitalist society that thrives on exaggeration and superfluity. Not so much of a sucker that you'll be swindled over a toothbrush.
I have noticed one term, however, that has been used in marketing in inexcusable excess: "premium." Just take a look at some of the products around your home or watch a few television commercials, and see if you can't find at least a few instances of that word. It's everywhere, and it doesn't mean shit. "Premium" is an utterly nugatory word. Seriously, it is an adjective completely devoid of all meaning, slapped onto as many product labels as possible for the purpose of burrowing into the consumer's conscious that said product is actually a step above those products that... well, don't say "premium" on them. "Premium quality." "Premium edition." And the worst: "premium upgrade."
I can excuse it as a descriptor for the highest quality petroleum available at a gas station, but I really don't care to see it on my cranberry juice. Similar to the 'a' word, the preposterous overuse of the term is what truly gauls me about it. They would both otherwise if people didn't abuse them to such ridiculous extremes, both in frequency and incorrectness of use. Whereas the 'a' word can be replaced by any number of splendid adjectives I have previously listed, the 'p' word can be dropped altogether in most cases. Of course, that isn't likely to happen any time soon, because people love to make their products sound more important and supreme than they really are by tossing out meaningless terms like bread crumbs onto the lawn of consumership that unfortunately have become almost universally understood and scooped up by the bird-brained masses.
So, in conclusion, you can take your premium fusion of fortified organic blends and nourish your rectum with them. That is, if you can find any room amongst all the extreme awesomeness that embellishes your enrichment.
I am off to go have an awesomely extreme experience at the premium local valley and reflect on rhetoric and Akuro's German desserts (minus Chiquita premium bananas).
But first, someone please tell why I have been listening to the SIRIUS Kid's Tunes music channel for the past hour. I really need to get a grip.
relecetiomn.timbeiashlsw.socm
Something about watching a Thai martial arts movie dubbed in English while drunk caused hilarity to happen. Instead of paying close attention to the amazing adventures of an almighty Eastern warrior on his perilous quest to retrieve the prized stone head of the legendary Kim Chee or whatever for the entire village whose fate rested in his handz, I was too preoccupied with laughing at the cheesy dialogue.
And soon after the credits-in-Thai rolled, Ian called, and we spent a good hour cracking up at the lyrics of such metal bands as Oceans of Sadness, As I Lay Dying, and Church of Misery. Come on, you know you can't refrain from crying and submitting to the reprehensible ways of the devil with lyrics like:
"Tears of sorrow stream from my broken soul.............................. -______-" and...
"YOU DIE, DON'T ASK ME WHY
TEMPLE IS THE PLACE WHERE DEAD ANGELS LIE
DON'T PRAY FOR YOUR TOMORROW
SUICIDE IS THE WAY TO ESCAPE FROM YOUR PAIN
I'M YOUR FARTHER AND LEAD YOU TO DEATH"
...yeah. No wounder metal is so populer!!!!!!! Its emoshinall and speeks to teh hart, man!!!!!!!!! /m\/m\/m\/m/mm\m/\m\/m\/m\\\/m/\m/m\/m\/// w Every1 noez wolvez liek metal!!! Seeya on myspace!!!!!
Murrowf, I'm so out of my normal state of mind, I could be persuaded into doing just about anything right about now. Well, almost anything. However, I should be getting to sleep, considering I must rise early in the morning. I'm sure I will be out like a light as soon as I close my eyes... because, after all, doing laps around the yard several times while flailing my arms like a lunatic and pretending the road is an aircraft carrier while I make my final approach tends to make me crave celery.
And soon after the credits-in-Thai rolled, Ian called, and we spent a good hour cracking up at the lyrics of such metal bands as Oceans of Sadness, As I Lay Dying, and Church of Misery. Come on, you know you can't refrain from crying and submitting to the reprehensible ways of the devil with lyrics like:
"Tears of sorrow stream from my broken soul.............................. -______-" and...
"YOU DIE, DON'T ASK ME WHY
TEMPLE IS THE PLACE WHERE DEAD ANGELS LIE
DON'T PRAY FOR YOUR TOMORROW
SUICIDE IS THE WAY TO ESCAPE FROM YOUR PAIN
I'M YOUR FARTHER AND LEAD YOU TO DEATH"
...yeah. No wounder metal is so populer!!!!!!! Its emoshinall and speeks to teh hart, man!!!!!!!!! /m\/m\/m\/m/mm\m/\m\/m\/m\\\/m/\m/m\/m\/// w Every1 noez wolvez liek metal!!! Seeya on myspace!!!!!
Murrowf, I'm so out of my normal state of mind, I could be persuaded into doing just about anything right about now. Well, almost anything. However, I should be getting to sleep, considering I must rise early in the morning. I'm sure I will be out like a light as soon as I close my eyes... because, after all, doing laps around the yard several times while flailing my arms like a lunatic and pretending the road is an aircraft carrier while I make my final approach tends to make me crave celery.
Oct 27, 2005
Last night, while on one of my customary midnight bike rides, I decided to take a little stroll through Homelani Cemetery in the middle of town. The atmosphere was delightfully serene, as usual, and it was an unusually clear, starry evening.
I noticed something odd, however, about the centre chapel. All of its entrance doors were wide open and white light was pouring out through the doorways. Being the curious ball of fluff that I am, I approached it to investigate.
All the doors had been forcefully busted open- recently, it seemed. None of the flower bouquets or engraved plaques lining the wall appeared to be touched, but the lock on the door leading into the office was jacked, and I found part of it lying on the floor. I found it odd someone would be inclined to break into a cemetery chapel, personally. A wooden staircase led up into darkness, and I decided to remove my sandals and tread up the stairs as quietly as possible. Who knew what horrible monstrosity I would encounter at the top!
I noticed little else in the dimly lit room besides computer monitors and plenty of filing cabinets. Nothing appeared to be touched, save for a filing cabinet whose top drawer was slightly ajar. Someone may have been after someone's records, perhaps.
If the doors are still wide open in the middle of the night, I may return there on Hallow's eve and mess around a little, just for the thrill of it. I'm a strange, strange cub, but then again, I'm not the one who broke in there in the first place.
This weekend should be eventful. I'll probably go home on Friday night and spent most of Saturday going to a beach on the west side, since my brother will be home for a couple days and my entire family expects me to join them for a family outing. I'm sure I'll get through it... and probably come back to my apartment before Saturday night or Sunday to do another round of beaching on Sunday with Susi and Akuro. I have a few places to show them.
And speaking of Susi and Akuro, I am extremely glad I met them. Well, more than glad. Elated. Only a couple days ago did we actually go out and do anything together for the first time, and they have already impacted my life in a very positive way. They are both such sensational individuals; the kind of people who could actually help to restore any faith I may have once had in humankind (though we know none of us are altogether human). What compels me to make such a comment about them? The following, for starters:
I was feeling extremely sour yesterday, and was so sickened and disgusted by the people around me that I had to ditch my last class, avoid going to the GLO meeting, and return to my apartment to hibernate and try to extinguish my own fuse before I snapped at someone. I had been encountering nearly every single one of my top ten pet peeves that day in great abundance, and was having a very difficult time restraining myself from hurting someone else or myself.
Though, cheesy as it may sound, as soon as Wolf messaged me on ICQ, things started looking up. He mentioned missing me at GLO that day, and I told him the truth about why I didn't make it. Upon receiving this information he was extremely supportive, more so than I would expect most to be for me. I was very pleasantly surprised when he asked me if there was anything he could do for me or bring to me. I mentioned somewhat jestingly that some of his homemade sushi would be nice. Then, he promised that he would make some and bring it to me the next day if I gave him directions to my apartment! By the time I finished chatting with his mate Akuro, I was feeling very upbeat, especially knowing I still had yet to talk to my best friend on the phone a little bit later.
Susi did come by at about 2:30 today, bringing a plate full of sushi he prepared himself, and it was, of course, delicious. He complimented my taste in movies and video games and said he felt we had plenty in common. I had suspected such a thing all along. We watched some of the Best of James Belushi DVD, finding hilarity in such sketches as "Star Trek," "Samurai Night Fever," and "Wilderness Comedian." When he said he had the fondest memories of playing Goldeneye 007 on N64, I wanted to hug him. And we did do a customary furry hug before he left!
The more time I spend with these kinds of people, the better I feel as a person. If I could surround myself with such positivity more often, I'm likely to exude much more positive energy myself. No, this does not mean I'm going to be greeting every stranger on the street like a ray of sunshine; far from it. I'm just going to feel much more positive in general, and have a little more to share with others who are similar to me. Thank Rayg for those individuals. If there's one thing I've realized, it's definitely wise not to associate myself with a group full of perpetually miserable assholes who too easily influence me to be one of them. It makes me so glad I pulled out of online cesspools like VGC when I did, though I regret not doing so sooner. I've an increasing desire to be seen for who I truly am.
Oh, and by the way, a storm brought some awfully high waves the other day...
...and it poured for most of this afternoon. As I was driving back into Hilo from Honoli'i, I couldn't help but stare at a humongous black cloud hanging over most of the town and the bay, drenching everything with large, heavy raindrops. Mmm.
I noticed something odd, however, about the centre chapel. All of its entrance doors were wide open and white light was pouring out through the doorways. Being the curious ball of fluff that I am, I approached it to investigate.
All the doors had been forcefully busted open- recently, it seemed. None of the flower bouquets or engraved plaques lining the wall appeared to be touched, but the lock on the door leading into the office was jacked, and I found part of it lying on the floor. I found it odd someone would be inclined to break into a cemetery chapel, personally. A wooden staircase led up into darkness, and I decided to remove my sandals and tread up the stairs as quietly as possible. Who knew what horrible monstrosity I would encounter at the top!
I noticed little else in the dimly lit room besides computer monitors and plenty of filing cabinets. Nothing appeared to be touched, save for a filing cabinet whose top drawer was slightly ajar. Someone may have been after someone's records, perhaps.
If the doors are still wide open in the middle of the night, I may return there on Hallow's eve and mess around a little, just for the thrill of it. I'm a strange, strange cub, but then again, I'm not the one who broke in there in the first place.
This weekend should be eventful. I'll probably go home on Friday night and spent most of Saturday going to a beach on the west side, since my brother will be home for a couple days and my entire family expects me to join them for a family outing. I'm sure I'll get through it... and probably come back to my apartment before Saturday night or Sunday to do another round of beaching on Sunday with Susi and Akuro. I have a few places to show them.
And speaking of Susi and Akuro, I am extremely glad I met them. Well, more than glad. Elated. Only a couple days ago did we actually go out and do anything together for the first time, and they have already impacted my life in a very positive way. They are both such sensational individuals; the kind of people who could actually help to restore any faith I may have once had in humankind (though we know none of us are altogether human). What compels me to make such a comment about them? The following, for starters:
I was feeling extremely sour yesterday, and was so sickened and disgusted by the people around me that I had to ditch my last class, avoid going to the GLO meeting, and return to my apartment to hibernate and try to extinguish my own fuse before I snapped at someone. I had been encountering nearly every single one of my top ten pet peeves that day in great abundance, and was having a very difficult time restraining myself from hurting someone else or myself.
Though, cheesy as it may sound, as soon as Wolf messaged me on ICQ, things started looking up. He mentioned missing me at GLO that day, and I told him the truth about why I didn't make it. Upon receiving this information he was extremely supportive, more so than I would expect most to be for me. I was very pleasantly surprised when he asked me if there was anything he could do for me or bring to me. I mentioned somewhat jestingly that some of his homemade sushi would be nice. Then, he promised that he would make some and bring it to me the next day if I gave him directions to my apartment! By the time I finished chatting with his mate Akuro, I was feeling very upbeat, especially knowing I still had yet to talk to my best friend on the phone a little bit later.
Susi did come by at about 2:30 today, bringing a plate full of sushi he prepared himself, and it was, of course, delicious. He complimented my taste in movies and video games and said he felt we had plenty in common. I had suspected such a thing all along. We watched some of the Best of James Belushi DVD, finding hilarity in such sketches as "Star Trek," "Samurai Night Fever," and "Wilderness Comedian." When he said he had the fondest memories of playing Goldeneye 007 on N64, I wanted to hug him. And we did do a customary furry hug before he left!
The more time I spend with these kinds of people, the better I feel as a person. If I could surround myself with such positivity more often, I'm likely to exude much more positive energy myself. No, this does not mean I'm going to be greeting every stranger on the street like a ray of sunshine; far from it. I'm just going to feel much more positive in general, and have a little more to share with others who are similar to me. Thank Rayg for those individuals. If there's one thing I've realized, it's definitely wise not to associate myself with a group full of perpetually miserable assholes who too easily influence me to be one of them. It makes me so glad I pulled out of online cesspools like VGC when I did, though I regret not doing so sooner. I've an increasing desire to be seen for who I truly am.
Oh, and by the way, a storm brought some awfully high waves the other day...
...and it poured for most of this afternoon. As I was driving back into Hilo from Honoli'i, I couldn't help but stare at a humongous black cloud hanging over most of the town and the bay, drenching everything with large, heavy raindrops. Mmm.
Oct 25, 2005
Finally got my old Dell desktop functioning like a brand new computer.
The BIOS setting corresponding to my SATA HDD was actually listed as "Option ROM." I discovered that only through trial and error. So, I set it as my first priority boot device, and I now no longer have to boot with the aid of the OS setup disc. About time I figured that out. The OS appears to be running perfectly stable and error-free, and I hope to keep it that way. Before I begin transferring over my humongous library of mp3 files and images, though, I'm going to get Norton Antivirus up and running.
And I'm not sure why, but I like this character a lot.
The BIOS setting corresponding to my SATA HDD was actually listed as "Option ROM." I discovered that only through trial and error. So, I set it as my first priority boot device, and I now no longer have to boot with the aid of the OS setup disc. About time I figured that out. The OS appears to be running perfectly stable and error-free, and I hope to keep it that way. Before I begin transferring over my humongous library of mp3 files and images, though, I'm going to get Norton Antivirus up and running.
And I'm not sure why, but I like this character a lot.
Oct 24, 2005
I was supposed to get up at 9 in the morning today, so that I could meet with my web design group in front of the library at 10. The problem is, I didn't go to bed until around 6. I woke up around 9, and fell asleep just as quickly. I wasn't planning to meet up with them in the first place. I just e-mailed them my portion of the work and figured to leave it at that. If they didn't receive it, I blame the internet. I'm NOT a morning wolf, you sons of bitches. Unless, of course, you speak of the morning before sunrise. I'm looking forward to the fourth of November, when the final portion of this ridiculous group assignment will be due, and I may start working independently on my own web design project.
It's nice to cultivate that impression that I know what the heck I'm doing and that I have some idea which direction I'm heading in life. The truth is quite the opposite, but if it wasn't for willful ignorance perpetually serving as a buffer, I and many others wouldn't be able to handle the truth. I dream of a better existence. Because my head is up in the clouds so much of the time, I miss out on so-called important things like submitting certain forms. Simultaneously, because my head is up in the clouds so much of the time, I am able to cope with a "reality" that quite frankly, I don't care for at all, if not downright despise. A "reality" heavily embellished by my imagination and knack for creative thinking is something I can often cherish, but of course, that translates to me often being a distant basketcase with his head in the clouds. Then again, I suppose that's slightly more respectable than walking around with my head up my ass. Who knows, though, I could be walking around with my head up my ass thinking it's in the clouds.
I skipped half my classes today. You know, I just needed a little holiday. Two hours of holiday is enough, I suppose. I'm doing whatever it takes to stay motivated, at this point.
I did get Windows XP Pro successfully installed on my desktop early this morning. I just needed to get a Win XP-compatible driver for my SATA PCI card, which my HDD is connected to, and install it from a floppy when Win XP prompted me to install a SCSI or RAID driver. I figured it was something simple. Now, at least I don't have to kick my ass twenty times for doing something stupid like rushing out and buying a brand new copy of XP for $100 because I blamed the problem on a bad CD-R.
There's nothing worse that I can fathom than a sunny Monday morning. Fortunately, it's a rainy Monday afternoon. Now, I'm off to make quick work of this... *ugh* ...daylight.
If I sound cynical, sunshine, it's because I am.
It's nice to cultivate that impression that I know what the heck I'm doing and that I have some idea which direction I'm heading in life. The truth is quite the opposite, but if it wasn't for willful ignorance perpetually serving as a buffer, I and many others wouldn't be able to handle the truth. I dream of a better existence. Because my head is up in the clouds so much of the time, I miss out on so-called important things like submitting certain forms. Simultaneously, because my head is up in the clouds so much of the time, I am able to cope with a "reality" that quite frankly, I don't care for at all, if not downright despise. A "reality" heavily embellished by my imagination and knack for creative thinking is something I can often cherish, but of course, that translates to me often being a distant basketcase with his head in the clouds. Then again, I suppose that's slightly more respectable than walking around with my head up my ass. Who knows, though, I could be walking around with my head up my ass thinking it's in the clouds.
I skipped half my classes today. You know, I just needed a little holiday. Two hours of holiday is enough, I suppose. I'm doing whatever it takes to stay motivated, at this point.
I did get Windows XP Pro successfully installed on my desktop early this morning. I just needed to get a Win XP-compatible driver for my SATA PCI card, which my HDD is connected to, and install it from a floppy when Win XP prompted me to install a SCSI or RAID driver. I figured it was something simple. Now, at least I don't have to kick my ass twenty times for doing something stupid like rushing out and buying a brand new copy of XP for $100 because I blamed the problem on a bad CD-R.
There's nothing worse that I can fathom than a sunny Monday morning. Fortunately, it's a rainy Monday afternoon. Now, I'm off to make quick work of this... *ugh* ...daylight.
If I sound cynical, sunshine, it's because I am.
It's almost 2 in the morning, and I am absolutely wide awake. Infomercials endorsing products that will help you get rich in just a few days stream through the weak antenna signal captured by my television set. The linoleum floor is no longer a stampeding ground for ants, who love to sneak up and bite me. I Pine-Sol'd the entire surface and put down poisonous bait traps everywhere. I took a three hour nap just a few hours ago. The neighbourhood outside is very peaceful and quiet. It rained hard, today. Hard, driving, stinging rain from the sea. And the waves were big, real big.
I recently discovered that I won't actually be graduating this semester. Somewhere along the line I missed a required form that should have been turned in by, uh... last April? Once again, I wish someone had told me, or given me the information. Not that I blame anyone but myself for being such an irresponsible basketcase. If I'm lucky, I'll be able to graduate by the end of spring. If I'm lucky. The academic calendar lists two separate deadlines for the spring graduation app, Oct. 3 and Dec. 1. Let's hope it's the latter. But who knows?
I recently discovered that I won't actually be graduating this semester. Somewhere along the line I missed a required form that should have been turned in by, uh... last April? Once again, I wish someone had told me, or given me the information. Not that I blame anyone but myself for being such an irresponsible basketcase. If I'm lucky, I'll be able to graduate by the end of spring. If I'm lucky. The academic calendar lists two separate deadlines for the spring graduation app, Oct. 3 and Dec. 1. Let's hope it's the latter. But who knows?
Oct 23, 2005
Like intranssient sparks in a pitch black hollow.
I experienced perfection this morning. Or, at least, about the closest thing to perfection that reality would allow.
It came unto me outdoors, of course. No, I didn't find Jesus out there, but I did find rejuvenation, refreshment, and absolute heart-stopping beauty.
Rarely do I hear the tranquilising roar of surf from my apartment window. Only when the waves are unusually high and powerful due to winter storm surges am I able to listen to them crash against the sea cliffs. When I first detected the faint rumbling sound around 12:30 this morning, I mistook it for another military aircraft taking off- or perhaps thunder on the horizon. Then, I recalled seeing a high surf advisory posted earlier, and the light bulb switched on.
The delightful forces of nature draw me outdoors more often than not, especially when they are relatively rare occurences. I quickly threw on some appropriate clothes (shorts and a t-shirt, what else?), pulled my bike out of Big Red, and took off for Honoli'i, a world famous surfing spot only about a ten minute ride from my apartment. I didn't see anyone down there, but did witness some bodaciously big waves rolling in.
On a side note, my first visit to Honoli'i was only about a month ago. Once I saw what a delightful little place it was, I was overcome with amazement that I had lived on the island for so many years and had never made it down there before. By day, it is jam-packed with surfers, since it is probably -the- most popular surfing location on the island, or at least on the east side. The crowd doesn't even detract from the allure of the place, though. The narrow road leads down the face of the sea cliff, and from there a long set of concrete stairs takes one down to a grassy area with a nicely manicured garden and picnic tables, not to mention designs formed using boulders. The view across the bay from there is gorgeous, especially on a typical overcast afternoon. Last time I was there during the day, the water appeared a spectacular metallic blue. It is indeed a full-on beach park with bathrooms, showers, and a lifeguard station, but there are absolutely no signs designating its location. It's a true "local" spot.
Oh, I should mention that the one lane road continues on under the highway bridge and up the gulch, eventualy crossing the gulch and looping back up toward the next small town. The scenery along this stretch is awe-inspiring, with lush green foliage everywhere and lovely waterfalls. Sometimes, even I have trouble believing that such beauty can be found so close to home.
I only spent a few minutes down there this morning, before heading back up the road and crossing the highway to ride up the private road leading past Alae Cemetery. It's steep, and there's a nasty little barricade I have to get over on the way, but it's more than worth it. The reward? Probably the best view of the city at night there is to be found anywhere.
At a four-way intersection of private paved roads, I stopped and tried to take in the incredible view. I could see the lights of the harbour, the malls, the subdivisions behind Prince Kuhio Plaza, and all of downtown. In short, I was experiencing a breathtaking panorama of nearly all of Hilo. I had seen it before, but for some reason, it possessed an even more majestic quality this morning than it ever had before. I became hypnotised by the city lights.
The rain had fallen quite heavily for twenty minutes previous, and yes, I was soaked to the bone. But rain has a way of cooling, cleaning, and purifying the air, not to mention my spirit. Beyond the city lights loomed a dense band of dark, heavy clouds, while just above me, the half moon was beginning to show. I couldn't hope to put it into words exactly why I found it so beautiful.
It was so serene, though. I couldn't hear much other than the rhythms of insects- there were no coqui frogs up there. The fragrance of passion flowers was ever-present, and the air felt soft, cool, and pleasing against my skin. Like I said... everything was perfect. I was infused with a profound sense of euphoria. I did not want to leave this remarkable place. Only when a dog started barking, consequently snapping me out of my trance, did I finally hop on my bike and ride back down.
Now, I feel more relaxed and rejuvenated than I have in awhile. I hope it lasts for at least a little while, because it is certainly what I needed.
"The moments are what make life worth living." It's an all-too-common cliche, but it is also the absolute truth. An entire day of frustration and stress was more than made up for in just a few moments this morning. Rayg, I missed that feeling of euphoria. I missed it tremendously.
It came unto me outdoors, of course. No, I didn't find Jesus out there, but I did find rejuvenation, refreshment, and absolute heart-stopping beauty.
Rarely do I hear the tranquilising roar of surf from my apartment window. Only when the waves are unusually high and powerful due to winter storm surges am I able to listen to them crash against the sea cliffs. When I first detected the faint rumbling sound around 12:30 this morning, I mistook it for another military aircraft taking off- or perhaps thunder on the horizon. Then, I recalled seeing a high surf advisory posted earlier, and the light bulb switched on.
The delightful forces of nature draw me outdoors more often than not, especially when they are relatively rare occurences. I quickly threw on some appropriate clothes (shorts and a t-shirt, what else?), pulled my bike out of Big Red, and took off for Honoli'i, a world famous surfing spot only about a ten minute ride from my apartment. I didn't see anyone down there, but did witness some bodaciously big waves rolling in.
On a side note, my first visit to Honoli'i was only about a month ago. Once I saw what a delightful little place it was, I was overcome with amazement that I had lived on the island for so many years and had never made it down there before. By day, it is jam-packed with surfers, since it is probably -the- most popular surfing location on the island, or at least on the east side. The crowd doesn't even detract from the allure of the place, though. The narrow road leads down the face of the sea cliff, and from there a long set of concrete stairs takes one down to a grassy area with a nicely manicured garden and picnic tables, not to mention designs formed using boulders. The view across the bay from there is gorgeous, especially on a typical overcast afternoon. Last time I was there during the day, the water appeared a spectacular metallic blue. It is indeed a full-on beach park with bathrooms, showers, and a lifeguard station, but there are absolutely no signs designating its location. It's a true "local" spot.
Oh, I should mention that the one lane road continues on under the highway bridge and up the gulch, eventualy crossing the gulch and looping back up toward the next small town. The scenery along this stretch is awe-inspiring, with lush green foliage everywhere and lovely waterfalls. Sometimes, even I have trouble believing that such beauty can be found so close to home.
I only spent a few minutes down there this morning, before heading back up the road and crossing the highway to ride up the private road leading past Alae Cemetery. It's steep, and there's a nasty little barricade I have to get over on the way, but it's more than worth it. The reward? Probably the best view of the city at night there is to be found anywhere.
At a four-way intersection of private paved roads, I stopped and tried to take in the incredible view. I could see the lights of the harbour, the malls, the subdivisions behind Prince Kuhio Plaza, and all of downtown. In short, I was experiencing a breathtaking panorama of nearly all of Hilo. I had seen it before, but for some reason, it possessed an even more majestic quality this morning than it ever had before. I became hypnotised by the city lights.
The rain had fallen quite heavily for twenty minutes previous, and yes, I was soaked to the bone. But rain has a way of cooling, cleaning, and purifying the air, not to mention my spirit. Beyond the city lights loomed a dense band of dark, heavy clouds, while just above me, the half moon was beginning to show. I couldn't hope to put it into words exactly why I found it so beautiful.
It was so serene, though. I couldn't hear much other than the rhythms of insects- there were no coqui frogs up there. The fragrance of passion flowers was ever-present, and the air felt soft, cool, and pleasing against my skin. Like I said... everything was perfect. I was infused with a profound sense of euphoria. I did not want to leave this remarkable place. Only when a dog started barking, consequently snapping me out of my trance, did I finally hop on my bike and ride back down.
Now, I feel more relaxed and rejuvenated than I have in awhile. I hope it lasts for at least a little while, because it is certainly what I needed.
"The moments are what make life worth living." It's an all-too-common cliche, but it is also the absolute truth. An entire day of frustration and stress was more than made up for in just a few moments this morning. Rayg, I missed that feeling of euphoria. I missed it tremendously.
Oct 15, 2005
Kangaroos in your china cabinet
"Whatever you're looking for, the Army can help you find it."
Oppression?
Piece of mind on your sleeve?
C-rations?
Sand in your pants?
Vengeance for grandpa?
Free rides in nifty vehicles?
Jesus?
Bushwhack's compliments?
Unjust premature death?
I don't get why Myspace is so trendy. I can only view it as a vastly inferior substitute for building your own original, expressive web site from the ground up using your own creativity and ingenuity. Of course, since many people lack the creativity, ingenuity, and time required to learn the mechanics of building a web site from the ground up, you have services like Myspace.
There, you have uniformity. All the pages look predictably similar in their drabness, and there isn't much individual expression save for what people decide to fill in on profile forms. In a way, it's awfully depressing to ask someone if they have a website and get referred to their Myspace account. That's not what I meant by "website." Really, it wasn't.
It's probably just me, though. It usually is.
I just don't want to have to start asking, "hey, do you by any chance have a website... that isn't a Myspace account?"
I don't mean to sound like an elitist just because I built my own website from raw code in notepad and managed to get it operating semi-decently. Sure, most of the final product came out of hours upon hours of trial and error and months of blood, sweat, and tears, but I don't think of myself as 'superior' for having chosen to do that over a pre-designed template that already has everything programmed.
In fact, at this point in time, when I look back on the work I've done, it seems horribly obsolete and shoddy and in need of a complete overhaul. Total amateur bullcrap. It breaks countless federal accessiblity laws, doesn't even come close to complying with current XHTML standards, and completely lacks a sufficient navigation scheme! Jail me. Hell, roll in the guillotine.
I would still rather claim something like that as my personal webspace than a Myspace account, though. A personal website speaks so much more strongly for one's individuality, and desire to stand out a little. The same applies for any other Myspace clones or predecessors. When it's implied to me that I must not be too connected to the Internet because I don't have a Myspace account is when I commence ranting and attempting to set some heads straight.
So that's my two cents on the subject. Or rather, my two, no three circular slabs of copper on the subject. Gods, I'm so original.
Oppression?
Piece of mind on your sleeve?
C-rations?
Sand in your pants?
Vengeance for grandpa?
Free rides in nifty vehicles?
Jesus?
Bushwhack's compliments?
Unjust premature death?
I don't get why Myspace is so trendy. I can only view it as a vastly inferior substitute for building your own original, expressive web site from the ground up using your own creativity and ingenuity. Of course, since many people lack the creativity, ingenuity, and time required to learn the mechanics of building a web site from the ground up, you have services like Myspace.
There, you have uniformity. All the pages look predictably similar in their drabness, and there isn't much individual expression save for what people decide to fill in on profile forms. In a way, it's awfully depressing to ask someone if they have a website and get referred to their Myspace account. That's not what I meant by "website." Really, it wasn't.
It's probably just me, though. It usually is.
I just don't want to have to start asking, "hey, do you by any chance have a website... that isn't a Myspace account?"
I don't mean to sound like an elitist just because I built my own website from raw code in notepad and managed to get it operating semi-decently. Sure, most of the final product came out of hours upon hours of trial and error and months of blood, sweat, and tears, but I don't think of myself as 'superior' for having chosen to do that over a pre-designed template that already has everything programmed.
In fact, at this point in time, when I look back on the work I've done, it seems horribly obsolete and shoddy and in need of a complete overhaul. Total amateur bullcrap. It breaks countless federal accessiblity laws, doesn't even come close to complying with current XHTML standards, and completely lacks a sufficient navigation scheme! Jail me. Hell, roll in the guillotine.
I would still rather claim something like that as my personal webspace than a Myspace account, though. A personal website speaks so much more strongly for one's individuality, and desire to stand out a little. The same applies for any other Myspace clones or predecessors. When it's implied to me that I must not be too connected to the Internet because I don't have a Myspace account is when I commence ranting and attempting to set some heads straight.
So that's my two cents on the subject. Or rather, my two, no three circular slabs of copper on the subject. Gods, I'm so original.
I have just been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder.
Diagnosed by me.
It certainly explains the "fuck me and fuck everything" phases I have been encountering much more frequently as of late. I don't believe it's a function of school, or a function of anything but living and breathing in this world. Though, when I hit the severe lows, I feel so terrible the ensuing thoughts of what I would like to do myself both frighten and intrigue me. I just can't help but wonder why the condition seems to be worsening as the days go by. Last night, I experienced the intense high of romping about an open pasture on the mountain beneath the moonlight, then a few hours later walked around outside in the yard feeling horribly melancholy and finding nothing to attribute it to, wanting to beat the moon to a powdery pulp and choke on the poison oozing from its innards.
I'm not about to get medicated, though. I still don't believe in it. I think it would do more harm than good. Maybe it wouldn't. What the hell do I know?
Now it's time to go "work." Right now, I wish someone would beat me within inches of my life, then laugh and deliver the final blow. It should be interesting to see how I feel later!
Diagnosed by me.
It certainly explains the "fuck me and fuck everything" phases I have been encountering much more frequently as of late. I don't believe it's a function of school, or a function of anything but living and breathing in this world. Though, when I hit the severe lows, I feel so terrible the ensuing thoughts of what I would like to do myself both frighten and intrigue me. I just can't help but wonder why the condition seems to be worsening as the days go by. Last night, I experienced the intense high of romping about an open pasture on the mountain beneath the moonlight, then a few hours later walked around outside in the yard feeling horribly melancholy and finding nothing to attribute it to, wanting to beat the moon to a powdery pulp and choke on the poison oozing from its innards.
I'm not about to get medicated, though. I still don't believe in it. I think it would do more harm than good. Maybe it wouldn't. What the hell do I know?
Now it's time to go "work." Right now, I wish someone would beat me within inches of my life, then laugh and deliver the final blow. It should be interesting to see how I feel later!
Oct 13, 2005
20x20 contest
http://www.randomhouse.com/rhpg/20by20contest/
Random House is looking for the most original voices of the twentysomething generation,writing about their lives, their passions, their world. We will be publishing the best essays in a book titled Twentysomething Essays by Twentysomething Writers: The Best New Voices of 2006. There will be a grand prize of $20,000 to the top winner.
We are seeking essays about, but not limited to, the following subjects: Family, Career, Sex, Society, and Self. Be specific. Be unique. We want you to tell us—and, by extension, the entire world—something we haven’t heard before, something that defines you as a member of this burgeoning generation. Make us laugh, make us think, make us mad—just don’t make us yawn.
THE RULES:
• One entry per person.
• Entries must be nonfiction, written in English, and between 500 and 5,000 words in length.
• You must be between the ages of 20 and 29 as of September 1, 2006.
• Entries must be received by November 24, 2005.
• Winners will be selected by an editorial panel of your peers.
• The Grand Prize-winning essay will receive $20,000; up to 28 Runners-Up will also be selected for publication.
• Winners will be notified. (Due to volume of submissions, we can not respond to every entry.)
• Don’t trust anyone over 30.
Sound good? Do you pass the test? If so, click here for official contest rules and regulations. Then go here to submit.
I meet the eligibility requirements, have the confidence, and am always looking for an excuse to hone my writing skill. What the hell, might as well.
Random House is looking for the most original voices of the twentysomething generation,writing about their lives, their passions, their world. We will be publishing the best essays in a book titled Twentysomething Essays by Twentysomething Writers: The Best New Voices of 2006. There will be a grand prize of $20,000 to the top winner.
We are seeking essays about, but not limited to, the following subjects: Family, Career, Sex, Society, and Self. Be specific. Be unique. We want you to tell us—and, by extension, the entire world—something we haven’t heard before, something that defines you as a member of this burgeoning generation. Make us laugh, make us think, make us mad—just don’t make us yawn.
THE RULES:
• One entry per person.
• Entries must be nonfiction, written in English, and between 500 and 5,000 words in length.
• You must be between the ages of 20 and 29 as of September 1, 2006.
• Entries must be received by November 24, 2005.
• Winners will be selected by an editorial panel of your peers.
• The Grand Prize-winning essay will receive $20,000; up to 28 Runners-Up will also be selected for publication.
• Winners will be notified. (Due to volume of submissions, we can not respond to every entry.)
• Don’t trust anyone over 30.
Sound good? Do you pass the test? If so, click here for official contest rules and regulations. Then go here to submit.
I meet the eligibility requirements, have the confidence, and am always looking for an excuse to hone my writing skill. What the hell, might as well.
This title is entirely irrelevant.
Earlier today, before and during my first two classes, I couldn't help but to recall this past summer and many of my finest memories of it. My mainland trip was, overall, a very enlightening, horizon-expanding, enjoyable experience. I doubt many had the patience to read through my agonisingly long five part account of it, so here is a wee list of some of the ultimate highlights of the trip:
Though, it was just as splendid to have Ian come out here for a month. I still remember vividly what we did the first day he was here. I took him to the harbour grille for dinner, then simply cruised around town for awhile in the late afternoon and went to Borders. After darkness arrived, we drove up Mt. Hualalai's slopes on Kaloko Drive, which immersed in a different world. The air was dry and cool, everything was incredibly quiet, and the sky was full of stars.
When we were that alone, and many times later on we were, we could be free to be ourselves. It's almost as if we have created our own little world together. We each had our respective fursonas we assumed and a seemingly bottomless wealth of inside jokes we shared that often sent us both spiralling into fits of laughter. We had a way of mocking losers and dumb people we both knew, as well as making fun of lame metal bands. We both understood each other so well, and connected very deeply on an emotional and spiritual level. Haven't I ever told anyone that he is my real brother?!
... Nothing has changed except for the fact that he isn't here. Some of my fondest memories involve us going for drives in the middle of the night with no specific destination in mind while the rain pattered against the windshield and the cab was filled with the acoustics of orgasmic trance music that had our heads bobbing up and down simultaneously. The beauty we witnessed together, be it in the form of sunsets, rainshowers, thunderstorms, or epic mountain and ocean views, was spellbinding, and the fact that we were together to experience it made such spectacles even more beautiful. Being as we spent nearly every waking moment together, the conflicts we experienced between each other were few and far between. In fact, it's quite amazing we got along as well as we did, being as both of us are individuals who require a great deal of privacy and confidentiality when it comes to nearly everyone... but that just goes to show how strong and sacred our brotherly bond is. I shall never let go of it, either. We have given each other a substantial amount of support since we met in early 2004. I never thought I would find someone so much like me, that I could get along with so well. I love him! **Pouncehuggles thin air**
I would just like to do something simliar again, though charging a ticket on a credit card to invite a friend over was a one-time thing and cannot really be made a habit of. Hopefully, I'll actually be able to pay for such a thing by this coming summer or something else can be worked out. Perhaps I should plan on quickly paying off my credit card debt (which isn't unreasonably high) once I do get a job.
Today, I met a couple of furries in my hometown. It was an exceptionally positive experience, which is what I truly needed as of late. One of them is every bit as much of a wolf as I am, and the other is a dragon. Ironically, both of them had been attending a 1:00 class on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday just next door from mine all semester. I only managed to meet them because someone who knew them and had heard they moved to Hilo sent me Wolf Ekko's e-mail address. So, I e-mailed Susi (the wolf, aka Wolf Ekko) and he gave me his ICQ number. We chatted online for two or three days, and we set up a time and place to meet ...today.
After my classes were over, I walked into the place we had agreed to meet. A few other people were there, and greeted me rather warmly as I walked in a sat down, then resumed talking. Only a few moments later, I glanced over to my right, and noticed someone holding up in my direction a sheet of paper that stated, "FUR?" in large lettering. The moment I saw that I smiled, nodded my head, and gave a thumbs up sign, and he reacted similarly. After he introduced his ideas and plan for a game show he was writing (one I am rather fond of and wouldn't mind getting involved in) and several people had to go, we started to converse. A very, very cool guy he is, but hey, he's a fellow fur... how could he not be? I was soon introduced to his mate, Akuro the dragon, who is a German fur. Too fabulous, I must say... and he was generous enough to buy his voracious furiends dinner.
I feel that adequately and concisely sums up my pleasant experience of the day. I'd just better watch my tail, because Susi is obsessed with messy game shows and is likely to pie me... or possibly drench my entire head in slime. Knowing me, I'll probably just set myself up for it.
- Experienced big city culture in Seattle and Vancouver for a few days, and liked it.
- Finally set paw into Canada.
- Fell in love with the Canadian Rockies, and thought very highly of Montana.
- The surreal ferry trip to Vancouver Island. Many regular passengers seemed to think nothing of it, but I couldn't help but stand out on the sundeck and experience the cold northern wind caressing my body as I gazed out at the distant rainstorms in captivation, spirit seized by beauty.
- Entire trip put into perspective just how special and unique Hawaii is.
- Met my best online friend Ian in person for the first time, and from then on was able to kick the "online" out of "best online friend."
- Attended my first rave with him, which was one of the most amazing and enlightening experiences of my life.
- Got to see my brother's place in West Hollywood and realized how good I have it here in Hilo.
Though, it was just as splendid to have Ian come out here for a month. I still remember vividly what we did the first day he was here. I took him to the harbour grille for dinner, then simply cruised around town for awhile in the late afternoon and went to Borders. After darkness arrived, we drove up Mt. Hualalai's slopes on Kaloko Drive, which immersed in a different world. The air was dry and cool, everything was incredibly quiet, and the sky was full of stars.
When we were that alone, and many times later on we were, we could be free to be ourselves. It's almost as if we have created our own little world together. We each had our respective fursonas we assumed and a seemingly bottomless wealth of inside jokes we shared that often sent us both spiralling into fits of laughter. We had a way of mocking losers and dumb people we both knew, as well as making fun of lame metal bands. We both understood each other so well, and connected very deeply on an emotional and spiritual level. Haven't I ever told anyone that he is my real brother?!
... Nothing has changed except for the fact that he isn't here. Some of my fondest memories involve us going for drives in the middle of the night with no specific destination in mind while the rain pattered against the windshield and the cab was filled with the acoustics of orgasmic trance music that had our heads bobbing up and down simultaneously. The beauty we witnessed together, be it in the form of sunsets, rainshowers, thunderstorms, or epic mountain and ocean views, was spellbinding, and the fact that we were together to experience it made such spectacles even more beautiful. Being as we spent nearly every waking moment together, the conflicts we experienced between each other were few and far between. In fact, it's quite amazing we got along as well as we did, being as both of us are individuals who require a great deal of privacy and confidentiality when it comes to nearly everyone... but that just goes to show how strong and sacred our brotherly bond is. I shall never let go of it, either. We have given each other a substantial amount of support since we met in early 2004. I never thought I would find someone so much like me, that I could get along with so well. I love him! **Pouncehuggles thin air**
I would just like to do something simliar again, though charging a ticket on a credit card to invite a friend over was a one-time thing and cannot really be made a habit of. Hopefully, I'll actually be able to pay for such a thing by this coming summer or something else can be worked out. Perhaps I should plan on quickly paying off my credit card debt (which isn't unreasonably high) once I do get a job.
Today, I met a couple of furries in my hometown. It was an exceptionally positive experience, which is what I truly needed as of late. One of them is every bit as much of a wolf as I am, and the other is a dragon. Ironically, both of them had been attending a 1:00 class on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday just next door from mine all semester. I only managed to meet them because someone who knew them and had heard they moved to Hilo sent me Wolf Ekko's e-mail address. So, I e-mailed Susi (the wolf, aka Wolf Ekko) and he gave me his ICQ number. We chatted online for two or three days, and we set up a time and place to meet ...today.
After my classes were over, I walked into the place we had agreed to meet. A few other people were there, and greeted me rather warmly as I walked in a sat down, then resumed talking. Only a few moments later, I glanced over to my right, and noticed someone holding up in my direction a sheet of paper that stated, "FUR?" in large lettering. The moment I saw that I smiled, nodded my head, and gave a thumbs up sign, and he reacted similarly. After he introduced his ideas and plan for a game show he was writing (one I am rather fond of and wouldn't mind getting involved in) and several people had to go, we started to converse. A very, very cool guy he is, but hey, he's a fellow fur... how could he not be? I was soon introduced to his mate, Akuro the dragon, who is a German fur. Too fabulous, I must say... and he was generous enough to buy his voracious furiends dinner.
I feel that adequately and concisely sums up my pleasant experience of the day. I'd just better watch my tail, because Susi is obsessed with messy game shows and is likely to pie me... or possibly drench my entire head in slime. Knowing me, I'll probably just set myself up for it.
Oct 10, 2005
Napoleon Dynamite > Star Wars
Pedro's protection outranks the dark side. Your Jedi training is no match for my Rex Kwon Do skills. Di Qwon would dance on Darth Vader's grave. Uncle Rico could throw a football over them star destroyers. Kip could hack into R2D2's programming and make him explode. Lyle could shoot Chewbacca's fool head off, and Deb could take a sensational photograph of Luke Skywalker being mauled to death by a liger.
I haven't slept since Thursday night. I wonder how this is going to affect my performance on tomorrow's exams?
Exams. ...Exams. I can't help but laugh. Endless, meaningless struggle. A cucumber without a core. Rivulets of obligatory dread. It's time to take advantage of the enlightenment sleep deprivation has afforded me. Giving a shit takes too much effort, so I don't. Defy the despicable engagement. A perpetual bath in boiling blood. A wrinkled soul calving like an arctic glacier. Every step is a journey to the edge of the Earth. Swirling, disconcerting, discombobulating infinitude. Contumeliously cosmic carburetors. why am i capitalizing this ridiculous nonsense? it just presents itself as a bigger, haughtier, more in your face waste of space.
this pup wants his fucking unexistence back, and is off to get euthanized.
Pedro's protection outranks the dark side. Your Jedi training is no match for my Rex Kwon Do skills. Di Qwon would dance on Darth Vader's grave. Uncle Rico could throw a football over them star destroyers. Kip could hack into R2D2's programming and make him explode. Lyle could shoot Chewbacca's fool head off, and Deb could take a sensational photograph of Luke Skywalker being mauled to death by a liger.
I haven't slept since Thursday night. I wonder how this is going to affect my performance on tomorrow's exams?
Exams. ...Exams. I can't help but laugh. Endless, meaningless struggle. A cucumber without a core. Rivulets of obligatory dread. It's time to take advantage of the enlightenment sleep deprivation has afforded me. Giving a shit takes too much effort, so I don't. Defy the despicable engagement. A perpetual bath in boiling blood. A wrinkled soul calving like an arctic glacier. Every step is a journey to the edge of the Earth. Swirling, disconcerting, discombobulating infinitude. Contumeliously cosmic carburetors. why am i capitalizing this ridiculous nonsense? it just presents itself as a bigger, haughtier, more in your face waste of space.
this pup wants his fucking unexistence back, and is off to get euthanized.
Oct 7, 2005
50 stupendous words!
sensational
impressive
swell
grand
grandiose
excellent
outstanding
marvelous
superb
fantastic
magnificent
glorious
delightful
fabulous
wonderful
incredible
remarkable
wondrous
lovely
stupendous
terrific
cool
killer
sweet
awe-inspiring
amazing
great
super
nice
splendid
sensational
spectacular
splendorous
unbelievable
captivating
arresting
spellbinding
appreciable
riveting
astounding
resplendent
stellar
stelliferous
groovy
radical
bodacious
gnarly
sublime
exceptional
regal
Brought to you by your sensational, magnificent, awe-inspiring friend! Study these exceptional words well and apply your favourites in everyday life!
impressive
swell
grand
grandiose
excellent
outstanding
marvelous
superb
fantastic
magnificent
glorious
delightful
fabulous
wonderful
incredible
remarkable
wondrous
lovely
stupendous
terrific
cool
killer
sweet
awe-inspiring
amazing
great
super
nice
splendid
sensational
spectacular
splendorous
unbelievable
captivating
arresting
spellbinding
appreciable
riveting
astounding
resplendent
stellar
stelliferous
groovy
radical
bodacious
gnarly
sublime
exceptional
regal
Brought to you by your sensational, magnificent, awe-inspiring friend! Study these exceptional words well and apply your favourites in everyday life!
Night falls on the world... on my heart.... as the pain consumes me....
Just been trying to fathom a comfortable niche in the spectrum between brazenly insensitive stone-cold apathy and perpetually effusive emo-exaggerated theatre angst.
Of course, being sensitive and compassionate, I could never fall into the former extreme, and the latter extreme often makes me feel guilty about being sad. How could I ever claim to be sad when night has befallen their heart and the pain is consuming them? Isn't it true that when you're sad, someone is always sadder than you? What business do I have being sad, anyway, when I am merely wading about in a foot bath of dissatisfaction and they are drowning in oceans of sadness? Surely, what I'm going through is nothing compared to the excruciating hell they must be enduring, as they eat their double decker burritos and listen to slit-wrist gothic music.
I recognise it's becoming increasingly "hip" to act as if life is a complete tragedy and you are one of its biggest victims, but really, that just makes it harder for me to deal with being anything but perfectly content. When so many of life's "victims" out there are busy "bleeding through the eyes" and insisting that the world has nothing to offer them, I feel like such a lousy competitor. I very rarely cry, dark morbid poetry doesn't come naturally to me, and before I finish composing the first draft of my suicide note, I usually feel better. I just have too much to be positive about, and have nothing on the true emo kids.
You know, that alone just fills my heart with intense tribulation and my soul with irrepressible anguish. The misers of misery in my mind are insatiable gluttons.
I try not to deny the way I feel, mind, to myself or others that I deem worthy of knowing exactly how I feel. I feel it's worth emphasising, however, that I hate exaggerating while describing the way I feel, be it good or bad. If I'm sad, I won't say I'm miserable. If I'm satisfied, I won't say I'm ecstatic. I'm tired of seeing people clinging to either black or white because grey is such a dense and complicated shade. Corners and edges are psychologically attractive to us, but sometimes, if we want to remain true to ourselves and not become lost in a cycle of delusion, we have to make an effort to stand somewhere out in the middle: the small island hovering above a vast chaotic whirlpool whose nadir is but a portal back to the very edge that sucked you in to begin with.
So be honest with yourself now, and you won't have to burst out of your cozy little dream and confront the truth later on.
I'm tired of putting on acts for people, and in turn am tired of suspecting that many are simply leading me on. Honesty and truth have always been important to me, but I am embracing it more and more everyday. Ideally, I want to be completely true to myself and others without sacrificing my imagination. Can I accomplish that feat? Probably. I underestimate myself constantly. I want to feel as if I actually have a good reason to be here, as if my presence on Earth is somewhat justified.
I have been rather sad lately, and I can't put my finger on what has been feeding it. As I recall, I felt very similar to this around the same time of this month last year, when I was seriously considering dropping out of school. This realisation is some small consolation, since I managed to pull through then, somehow. I think there is something about mid-fall semester that is quite melancholy-inducing. Maybe it's just October.
Of course, I strongly desire to break out of this funk, as it's adversely affecting my productivity. 18 credits at once is not a comfortable pace. I mentioned my course load to a few other seniors in my major and many of them just gave me a "you crazy over-achieving bastard" look. It's far, far too easy to get hopelessly behind . . . and if I get behind I'll probably feel even worse about myself, then I'll be stuck in a hopeless rut and will no doubt be royally screwed.
At the same time, I still have my self-confidence telling me I can make it through. I have little doubt I can... but at what cost?
On the plus side, here's an interesting story- I made an intro post on a forum a couple week ago, and mentioned I was from Hawaii. A moderator messaged me a couple days later and let me know that a couple of his friends just moved out to Hilo to attend university. Small world, huh? Hopefully, I'll get the chance to meet up with the furres and see what they're like.
Interestingly, not only do I increasingly feel like meeting more interesting people, I also desire to converse more often with individuals I already know and love. I truly feel as if I am starting to break out of my shell when it comes to associating with humans... I find myself desiring to be around like-minded individuals a little more everyday. That's not to say my ideals are shifting completely ... far from it. I am maturing in some ways, which is better rather than worse in my view. I have nothing to regret as long as I don't lose sight of who I am and what makes me, me.
Throughout most of my childhood, I was deathly afraid of people. I have realised that I am an extremely late bloomer, but I don't see any fault with that.
I took a three hour nap, and feel extremely rested. I also had several anthropomorphic dreams. In the most memorable one, I was a passenger in a truck with three foxes and we almost got ourselves stuck in the sand while driving along the beach too close to the ocean. It reminds me of the time back in '89 when my father let his sister drive his then brand new Isuzu pick-up truck along Kekaha Beach in Kauai, and she, having seen too many films or images featuring people driving right by the ocean, nearly buried it for good before he took over the wheel and barely got it unstuck before the tide came in.
It's going on 2:30 in the morning, and I'm about to go grocery shopping to see if I can afford a loaf of bread or two. Or maybe just drive around aimlessly, wasting expensive gas. At this point, I don't care. I'll do whatever it takes to escape from the ordinary.
Just keep going, Neal.
Of course, being sensitive and compassionate, I could never fall into the former extreme, and the latter extreme often makes me feel guilty about being sad. How could I ever claim to be sad when night has befallen their heart and the pain is consuming them? Isn't it true that when you're sad, someone is always sadder than you? What business do I have being sad, anyway, when I am merely wading about in a foot bath of dissatisfaction and they are drowning in oceans of sadness? Surely, what I'm going through is nothing compared to the excruciating hell they must be enduring, as they eat their double decker burritos and listen to slit-wrist gothic music.
I recognise it's becoming increasingly "hip" to act as if life is a complete tragedy and you are one of its biggest victims, but really, that just makes it harder for me to deal with being anything but perfectly content. When so many of life's "victims" out there are busy "bleeding through the eyes" and insisting that the world has nothing to offer them, I feel like such a lousy competitor. I very rarely cry, dark morbid poetry doesn't come naturally to me, and before I finish composing the first draft of my suicide note, I usually feel better. I just have too much to be positive about, and have nothing on the true emo kids.
You know, that alone just fills my heart with intense tribulation and my soul with irrepressible anguish. The misers of misery in my mind are insatiable gluttons.
I try not to deny the way I feel, mind, to myself or others that I deem worthy of knowing exactly how I feel. I feel it's worth emphasising, however, that I hate exaggerating while describing the way I feel, be it good or bad. If I'm sad, I won't say I'm miserable. If I'm satisfied, I won't say I'm ecstatic. I'm tired of seeing people clinging to either black or white because grey is such a dense and complicated shade. Corners and edges are psychologically attractive to us, but sometimes, if we want to remain true to ourselves and not become lost in a cycle of delusion, we have to make an effort to stand somewhere out in the middle: the small island hovering above a vast chaotic whirlpool whose nadir is but a portal back to the very edge that sucked you in to begin with.
So be honest with yourself now, and you won't have to burst out of your cozy little dream and confront the truth later on.
I'm tired of putting on acts for people, and in turn am tired of suspecting that many are simply leading me on. Honesty and truth have always been important to me, but I am embracing it more and more everyday. Ideally, I want to be completely true to myself and others without sacrificing my imagination. Can I accomplish that feat? Probably. I underestimate myself constantly. I want to feel as if I actually have a good reason to be here, as if my presence on Earth is somewhat justified.
I have been rather sad lately, and I can't put my finger on what has been feeding it. As I recall, I felt very similar to this around the same time of this month last year, when I was seriously considering dropping out of school. This realisation is some small consolation, since I managed to pull through then, somehow. I think there is something about mid-fall semester that is quite melancholy-inducing. Maybe it's just October.
Of course, I strongly desire to break out of this funk, as it's adversely affecting my productivity. 18 credits at once is not a comfortable pace. I mentioned my course load to a few other seniors in my major and many of them just gave me a "you crazy over-achieving bastard" look. It's far, far too easy to get hopelessly behind . . . and if I get behind I'll probably feel even worse about myself, then I'll be stuck in a hopeless rut and will no doubt be royally screwed.
At the same time, I still have my self-confidence telling me I can make it through. I have little doubt I can... but at what cost?
On the plus side, here's an interesting story- I made an intro post on a forum a couple week ago, and mentioned I was from Hawaii. A moderator messaged me a couple days later and let me know that a couple of his friends just moved out to Hilo to attend university. Small world, huh? Hopefully, I'll get the chance to meet up with the furres and see what they're like.
Interestingly, not only do I increasingly feel like meeting more interesting people, I also desire to converse more often with individuals I already know and love. I truly feel as if I am starting to break out of my shell when it comes to associating with humans... I find myself desiring to be around like-minded individuals a little more everyday. That's not to say my ideals are shifting completely ... far from it. I am maturing in some ways, which is better rather than worse in my view. I have nothing to regret as long as I don't lose sight of who I am and what makes me, me.
Throughout most of my childhood, I was deathly afraid of people. I have realised that I am an extremely late bloomer, but I don't see any fault with that.
I took a three hour nap, and feel extremely rested. I also had several anthropomorphic dreams. In the most memorable one, I was a passenger in a truck with three foxes and we almost got ourselves stuck in the sand while driving along the beach too close to the ocean. It reminds me of the time back in '89 when my father let his sister drive his then brand new Isuzu pick-up truck along Kekaha Beach in Kauai, and she, having seen too many films or images featuring people driving right by the ocean, nearly buried it for good before he took over the wheel and barely got it unstuck before the tide came in.
It's going on 2:30 in the morning, and I'm about to go grocery shopping to see if I can afford a loaf of bread or two. Or maybe just drive around aimlessly, wasting expensive gas. At this point, I don't care. I'll do whatever it takes to escape from the ordinary.
Just keep going, Neal.
Oct 6, 2005
I woke up at 11:25 yesterday morning, much too late to leisurely get out of bed, have breakfast, and make my noon class, and much too early to immediately decide that class would not be worth attending since I'd miss a significant portion of the 50 minute lecture. I hate when that happens, since making important decisions immediately after waking up is not something I enjoy doing. I decided not to push it and laid my head back down to get another half hour of sleep. Hey, I hadn't made my way into sleepland until about 4:30 in the morning!
Before my 1:00 class, I had some time to construct a reply to a post on a forum I frequent. I had plenty to say in response, and feel it's worth recording here (touched up a little) just for safekeeping, and because it may interest other viewers.
*******'s latest spiel is the sort of thing that made me hesitant to want to label myself a furry in the first place. I honestly don't know where to start in picking apart this post, but I guess I'll just start from the beginning.
Yes, we have nothing to be ashamed of, but your entire post in general actually suggests something otherwise. It doesn't make you seem confident with and proud of what you are, it just makes you appear unconvinced and insecure and that you're just trying to justify your feelings. Not only that, you're inadvertently making furry out to be something like a curse. It's something you like, pal; not some horrible disease that's going to get you quarantined to a leper colony.
You know, I've spoken with a few anti-furries, and many of the halfway reasonable ones say that the main reason they don't like furries so much is because so many of them act like a downtrodden minority and use their furriness as an excuse to act like victims of society. After reading your post, *******, I can completely understand where they're coming from. I'm sure many of them don't shun us for liking what we like so much as the ridiculous "we're freaks and proud of it so let's be anti-humanity" movement so many parade around. Frankly, I'm awfully tired of it.
All the childish cliches in your argument also bother me. "Humans suck so much! I'm so glad I'm not them, living their empty, cruel, heartless lives! Furry forever!!!!@!@"
... Whatever. You should develop enough maturity to realise that if you wish to be accepted, you have to be accepting of others. It's a pretty basic principle. If you want your furriness to be accepted, then stop making preposterous generalisations about virtually everyone who isn't a furry. That will get you absolutely nowhere. Why can't more souls just enjoy the fandom and live a furry lifestyle without blowing everything way out of proportion and demanding "equal rights"? No wonder there are so many anti-furries out there. We are in full control of who we are. We have every right to enjoy what we enjoy. We even have the right in most places to walk around in public in fursuits. Honestly, what the heck are we fighting for? Respect? Admiration? None of us are as special as some of us delude ourselves into thinking, so we shouldn't expect to be treated like nobles. The better you treat others and keep an open mind toward their differing beliefs, the better you yourself can expect to be treated, and the better you're making the whole furry fandom look. If you want to be regarded as an equal, then start treating others like equals. Being a furry is nothing to be ashamed of, since it's really just a personalised set of preferences, tastes, and values, but being a closed-minded, self-righteous, melodramatic furry is.
Living life closer to the animal kingdom? Please . . . humans are in the animal kingdom. But I'm sure you'll get over your rebellious phase in a few years. Rebellious tendencies happen to pretty much every young human or fur at some point in their lives, then they grow up.
If anyone needs to lighten up, it might just be you. Be content with who you are and try to develop an appreciation and respect for differences. Realise that there is no such thing as "normal," as others have already pointed out. We're not in the 'right' and everything else in the 'wrong' as you seem to be implying. We all just have individual tastes and preferences, and you should stop treating 'everyone else' like they're just a colossal army of mindless drones. Deep down inside, you must know that isn't true, so it's time to progress- to break free of your dream world just long enough for you to at least realise the truth. The sooner you face up to it all, the easier life will become for you. Trust me, please.
To add on to this, I recognise I may very well be coming off as a hypocrite to many who have followed my online contributions over the years. I do recall all that "I hate humanity" griping I used to do. I do believe that I have, in fact, wisened up substantially over the past many months, at least enough to overcome my 'rebellious' lashing-out-at-society stage. It was probably at its worst from 2000-2002, but I'm still wringing out the last remaining traces of it- for my own good to say the least. I am learning from the mistakes I make along the way, and I see no reason to indulge in those puerile games anymore. Leading people on with staged bitterness and hostility due to exaggerated contempt toward anything with opposable thumbs was amusing for awhile, but is simply not gratifying anymore. I believe I am finally realising that I would rather be a help than a hindrance.
I would also rather simply be myself and say what I mean. There's no easier place to do such a thing than my very own journal.
I have Di-Qwan's Dance Grooves in my head. Figures.
Before my 1:00 class, I had some time to construct a reply to a post on a forum I frequent. I had plenty to say in response, and feel it's worth recording here (touched up a little) just for safekeeping, and because it may interest other viewers.
*******'s latest spiel is the sort of thing that made me hesitant to want to label myself a furry in the first place. I honestly don't know where to start in picking apart this post, but I guess I'll just start from the beginning.
Yes, we have nothing to be ashamed of, but your entire post in general actually suggests something otherwise. It doesn't make you seem confident with and proud of what you are, it just makes you appear unconvinced and insecure and that you're just trying to justify your feelings. Not only that, you're inadvertently making furry out to be something like a curse. It's something you like, pal; not some horrible disease that's going to get you quarantined to a leper colony.
You know, I've spoken with a few anti-furries, and many of the halfway reasonable ones say that the main reason they don't like furries so much is because so many of them act like a downtrodden minority and use their furriness as an excuse to act like victims of society. After reading your post, *******, I can completely understand where they're coming from. I'm sure many of them don't shun us for liking what we like so much as the ridiculous "we're freaks and proud of it so let's be anti-humanity" movement so many parade around. Frankly, I'm awfully tired of it.
All the childish cliches in your argument also bother me. "Humans suck so much! I'm so glad I'm not them, living their empty, cruel, heartless lives! Furry forever!!!!@!@"
... Whatever. You should develop enough maturity to realise that if you wish to be accepted, you have to be accepting of others. It's a pretty basic principle. If you want your furriness to be accepted, then stop making preposterous generalisations about virtually everyone who isn't a furry. That will get you absolutely nowhere. Why can't more souls just enjoy the fandom and live a furry lifestyle without blowing everything way out of proportion and demanding "equal rights"? No wonder there are so many anti-furries out there. We are in full control of who we are. We have every right to enjoy what we enjoy. We even have the right in most places to walk around in public in fursuits. Honestly, what the heck are we fighting for? Respect? Admiration? None of us are as special as some of us delude ourselves into thinking, so we shouldn't expect to be treated like nobles. The better you treat others and keep an open mind toward their differing beliefs, the better you yourself can expect to be treated, and the better you're making the whole furry fandom look. If you want to be regarded as an equal, then start treating others like equals. Being a furry is nothing to be ashamed of, since it's really just a personalised set of preferences, tastes, and values, but being a closed-minded, self-righteous, melodramatic furry is.
Living life closer to the animal kingdom? Please . . . humans are in the animal kingdom. But I'm sure you'll get over your rebellious phase in a few years. Rebellious tendencies happen to pretty much every young human or fur at some point in their lives, then they grow up.
If anyone needs to lighten up, it might just be you. Be content with who you are and try to develop an appreciation and respect for differences. Realise that there is no such thing as "normal," as others have already pointed out. We're not in the 'right' and everything else in the 'wrong' as you seem to be implying. We all just have individual tastes and preferences, and you should stop treating 'everyone else' like they're just a colossal army of mindless drones. Deep down inside, you must know that isn't true, so it's time to progress- to break free of your dream world just long enough for you to at least realise the truth. The sooner you face up to it all, the easier life will become for you. Trust me, please.
To add on to this, I recognise I may very well be coming off as a hypocrite to many who have followed my online contributions over the years. I do recall all that "I hate humanity" griping I used to do. I do believe that I have, in fact, wisened up substantially over the past many months, at least enough to overcome my 'rebellious' lashing-out-at-society stage. It was probably at its worst from 2000-2002, but I'm still wringing out the last remaining traces of it- for my own good to say the least. I am learning from the mistakes I make along the way, and I see no reason to indulge in those puerile games anymore. Leading people on with staged bitterness and hostility due to exaggerated contempt toward anything with opposable thumbs was amusing for awhile, but is simply not gratifying anymore. I believe I am finally realising that I would rather be a help than a hindrance.
I would also rather simply be myself and say what I mean. There's no easier place to do such a thing than my very own journal.
I have Di-Qwan's Dance Grooves in my head. Figures.
Oct 3, 2005
Alternative outcome.
I got 63/75 on my biostatistics exam, where the class average is in the lower 50's. Using advanced statistical analysis techniques paired with base knowledge of faculty grading principles, that equates to an A. My confidence interval has increased exponentially, and I'm so stoked about my standard deviation from the mean.
It's always nice to be pleasantly surprised by learning that a random stranger shares a similar taste to mine. I overheard someone in my class voice a distinctive Crash Bandicoot "whoa!" when he received his tests results. A very good impression, it was. When I am seemingly always surrounded by things that annoy me, such as unlistenable rap music, anime nerds and awesome zombies, little things like that can make my entire day.
I need to build a resume for myself, but I also need to somehow find the incentive to start. It seems like such a daunting task when there are entire books out there focusing on resume writing. I would greatly appreciate any pointers from someone who has already written a resume, which would be at least enough to get me started. Once I have such a document, I can think of about a dozen places off the top of my head that I would like to submit it to.
It's always nice to be pleasantly surprised by learning that a random stranger shares a similar taste to mine. I overheard someone in my class voice a distinctive Crash Bandicoot "whoa!" when he received his tests results. A very good impression, it was. When I am seemingly always surrounded by things that annoy me, such as unlistenable rap music, anime nerds and awesome zombies, little things like that can make my entire day.
I need to build a resume for myself, but I also need to somehow find the incentive to start. It seems like such a daunting task when there are entire books out there focusing on resume writing. I would greatly appreciate any pointers from someone who has already written a resume, which would be at least enough to get me started. Once I have such a document, I can think of about a dozen places off the top of my head that I would like to submit it to.
"In Kate's words, during an awkward pause in the art of conversation that seems so novel to both of us: "God, I'm so inept." But really, social ineptitude with any normal soul is simply a reflection of those many years where we found more interesting friends, with whom an entirely new language was created -- an amalgamation of all our oddities rather than a melting pot. Anti-normality? No, that implies rebellion. (You know, the people who are random just for the sake of being different? They make me want to take their sugar away for a few days and then subject them to random torture involving ice-scraper mitts, pizza boxes and umbrellas.)" - 0033232...my thoughts exactly.
Oct 2, 2005
rural vs. urban
If there is only one lesson I could have taken home from my mainland trip this summer, it's that I might be a little more keen on city living than I previously thought I ever would be. The visual splendor of the Vancouver skyline at twilight left quite an impression on me, as did the renowned Stanley Park. I greatly enjoyed gallivanting around Seattle and San Francisco, experiencing true metropolitan culture.
Surprisingly, I did not feel estranged while wandering around most of the cities I visited, but instead I was rather ensconced. Seattle and Vancouver offered such a rich assortment of activities, both in and outside of the city. The green spaces and outlying nature were luxuriant and beautiful, and the nightlife was alive. Calgary and San Bernardino, however, were two cities I don't particularly care to ever set foot into again. I only spent a day in either, but they both left a very bad taste in my mouth. They made Phoenix, the only city I've ever really lived in, seem almost ... liveable.
Hilo has its beautiful parks and surrounding nature, but the nightlife ceases long before the night even begins to age. Recently, I have realised that the ideal place or me at this point in my life is a city. It may seem contrary to my very nature, but I can still see the logic in it.
First, the city offers many more career opportunities in contrast to a relatively small town. Being as I have been educated for a career relating to the social sciences, I would like to live in a place where more career opportunities are available. I don't care to be stuck working for the future Petco or a papaya farm.
Second, there is simply more culture in the city, and more things to do. Walking around Hilo at midnight, I notice that everything is closed save for Safeway and a few convenience stores. Increasingly, I yearn to live in a place where there is abundant nightlife through the wee hours of the night, in the form of clubs, concerts, arenas, shopping centres, etc. I don't particularly like humans, yet many human functions and gatherings tend to appeal to me. Ironic, no? I just want more to do.
Third, living in the city doesn't mean I always have to -be- in the city. When I lived in Phoenix, I fortunately had a car I could use to venture out into the mountains on occasion. That was one of the few things that kept me sane. It would be nice to live in a place where if I wanted some time alone with nature, I could simply hop in my car and drive for half an hour and be entirely by myself. That's one of the biggest advantages to living here in Hilo. I can ride my bike for ten minutes and be lost in the rainforest. No city can beat that.
Fourth, I have lived in rural areas for 20 years of my life and desire a departure from the norm. One of my parents' goals was to bring up their two sons in places surrounded by beautiful nature, and I would have to say they have done a tremendous job. I feel such an upbringing was appropriate for who I am, and in retrospect, couldn't imagine what kind of person I would be today if I had been raised in Phoenix like so many of my cousins. Poor souls.
Fifth, something about the vast array of glowing, flickering city lights at night has a way of soothing my soul. It's one of the very few things I miss about Phoenix. I loved going up into the mountains in the middle of the night and looking down upon the city like a raptorious observer.
I could base my prediction of whether I would enjoy living in the city or not entirely on my rather negative Phoenix experience, but I think doing such a thing would be foolhardy. Phoenix is incredibly boring, featuring countless golf courses, endless sunshine and brutal heat, square mile after square mile of upscale shopping centres, a couple water parks, and... not much else. What did people do there on a hot summer day? Stay indoors and watch the baseball game or hang out at the mall. All the brown grass, the polluted air, the deserted streets in July, the cruddy looking buildings down on Van Buren... yuckaroo. I must force myself to cease ranting about how bad it was.
Fortunately, I am anywhere but there. Actually, I am strongly considering Honolulu as a future living prospect. It's very, very feasible at this juncture, moreso than any mainland city. In the past, I turned my nose up at it because my brother lived there, and it just seemed too crowded. My perspectives and values have shifted a little since then, though. In truth, it's quite a beautiful, nicely run metropolis. It has Waikiki, and many, many more venues and cultural events than anywhere else in the state. Honolulu is the throbbing heart of Hawaii, where an overwhelming 70% of the state's population lives. Something exciting is -always- happening there. And of course, it's but a mild leap from home compared to the mainland. Returning home for a vacation would be a much easier feat.
Then, I am turned on by the fact that there is so much beautiful wilderness on Oahu that I have never before explored. Honolulu is confined to the southern part of the state, but between the city and the north shore lies a vast network of nice hiking and biking trails and places to otherwise lose oneself in. I would certainly have plenty to do on the weekends- maybe spend the day wandering around in the mountains and the following night attending a rave.
I'm not certain I could find a sufficient place to live for as 'cheap' as the $400 per month I'm currently paying for my apartment, but I'm sure I could find something. There is also the possibility that my brother may be moving back to Honolulu, and I could stay with him while I search for my own domicile. I think I might be able to tolerate that for a few days ...maybe. It would be easier to line up a job in Honolulu from my current residence than try to get a job on the mainland from here. It makes sense to start work in Hawaii since I will also (hopefully) earn my degree from here.
I suppose anyone who perceives me as someone who wants to hide out in an isolated cabin in the Montana wilderness and be a recluse for my entire life may have just gotten the wrong impression.
To reiterate, at this point in my life, I believe the city is where I belong. Several years ago, I never could have imagined myself saying such a thing. But life is like that. Maybe someday, I shall have kids...
**giggles** I kill myself.
Surprisingly, I did not feel estranged while wandering around most of the cities I visited, but instead I was rather ensconced. Seattle and Vancouver offered such a rich assortment of activities, both in and outside of the city. The green spaces and outlying nature were luxuriant and beautiful, and the nightlife was alive. Calgary and San Bernardino, however, were two cities I don't particularly care to ever set foot into again. I only spent a day in either, but they both left a very bad taste in my mouth. They made Phoenix, the only city I've ever really lived in, seem almost ... liveable.
Hilo has its beautiful parks and surrounding nature, but the nightlife ceases long before the night even begins to age. Recently, I have realised that the ideal place or me at this point in my life is a city. It may seem contrary to my very nature, but I can still see the logic in it.
First, the city offers many more career opportunities in contrast to a relatively small town. Being as I have been educated for a career relating to the social sciences, I would like to live in a place where more career opportunities are available. I don't care to be stuck working for the future Petco or a papaya farm.
Second, there is simply more culture in the city, and more things to do. Walking around Hilo at midnight, I notice that everything is closed save for Safeway and a few convenience stores. Increasingly, I yearn to live in a place where there is abundant nightlife through the wee hours of the night, in the form of clubs, concerts, arenas, shopping centres, etc. I don't particularly like humans, yet many human functions and gatherings tend to appeal to me. Ironic, no? I just want more to do.
Third, living in the city doesn't mean I always have to -be- in the city. When I lived in Phoenix, I fortunately had a car I could use to venture out into the mountains on occasion. That was one of the few things that kept me sane. It would be nice to live in a place where if I wanted some time alone with nature, I could simply hop in my car and drive for half an hour and be entirely by myself. That's one of the biggest advantages to living here in Hilo. I can ride my bike for ten minutes and be lost in the rainforest. No city can beat that.
Fourth, I have lived in rural areas for 20 years of my life and desire a departure from the norm. One of my parents' goals was to bring up their two sons in places surrounded by beautiful nature, and I would have to say they have done a tremendous job. I feel such an upbringing was appropriate for who I am, and in retrospect, couldn't imagine what kind of person I would be today if I had been raised in Phoenix like so many of my cousins. Poor souls.
Fifth, something about the vast array of glowing, flickering city lights at night has a way of soothing my soul. It's one of the very few things I miss about Phoenix. I loved going up into the mountains in the middle of the night and looking down upon the city like a raptorious observer.
I could base my prediction of whether I would enjoy living in the city or not entirely on my rather negative Phoenix experience, but I think doing such a thing would be foolhardy. Phoenix is incredibly boring, featuring countless golf courses, endless sunshine and brutal heat, square mile after square mile of upscale shopping centres, a couple water parks, and... not much else. What did people do there on a hot summer day? Stay indoors and watch the baseball game or hang out at the mall. All the brown grass, the polluted air, the deserted streets in July, the cruddy looking buildings down on Van Buren... yuckaroo. I must force myself to cease ranting about how bad it was.
Fortunately, I am anywhere but there. Actually, I am strongly considering Honolulu as a future living prospect. It's very, very feasible at this juncture, moreso than any mainland city. In the past, I turned my nose up at it because my brother lived there, and it just seemed too crowded. My perspectives and values have shifted a little since then, though. In truth, it's quite a beautiful, nicely run metropolis. It has Waikiki, and many, many more venues and cultural events than anywhere else in the state. Honolulu is the throbbing heart of Hawaii, where an overwhelming 70% of the state's population lives. Something exciting is -always- happening there. And of course, it's but a mild leap from home compared to the mainland. Returning home for a vacation would be a much easier feat.
Then, I am turned on by the fact that there is so much beautiful wilderness on Oahu that I have never before explored. Honolulu is confined to the southern part of the state, but between the city and the north shore lies a vast network of nice hiking and biking trails and places to otherwise lose oneself in. I would certainly have plenty to do on the weekends- maybe spend the day wandering around in the mountains and the following night attending a rave.
I'm not certain I could find a sufficient place to live for as 'cheap' as the $400 per month I'm currently paying for my apartment, but I'm sure I could find something. There is also the possibility that my brother may be moving back to Honolulu, and I could stay with him while I search for my own domicile. I think I might be able to tolerate that for a few days ...maybe. It would be easier to line up a job in Honolulu from my current residence than try to get a job on the mainland from here. It makes sense to start work in Hawaii since I will also (hopefully) earn my degree from here.
I suppose anyone who perceives me as someone who wants to hide out in an isolated cabin in the Montana wilderness and be a recluse for my entire life may have just gotten the wrong impression.
To reiterate, at this point in my life, I believe the city is where I belong. Several years ago, I never could have imagined myself saying such a thing. But life is like that. Maybe someday, I shall have kids...
**giggles** I kill myself.
Kawaii? More like Kauai.
Anime is so fucking lame.
A fairly general statement, I know, but it adequately summarises the overall impression that I get whenever I see a "hot" anime chick flaunting her disgusting figure in someone's forum signature image, or view any anime on TV, be it kid or adult-oriented. It could not possibly get any worse than kid shows like "Super Robot Monkey Team Hyper Force Go," but I imagine such a thing is a joke even amongst the anime community. At least, I hope it is.
Actually, I think more "sophisticated" programmes like Hellsing and Full Metal Alchemist are almost as bad. The characters in FMA look and act just as stupid to me as the characters in Dragonball Z. I could not get myself involved in the story at all. The only anime show I've ever managed to sit all the way through was Wolf's Rain, but only because of its slightly furry theme. Otherwise, it was quite a bore, and the characters as humans just got on my nerves.
I don't not like anime just to be different. I have tried as hard as I could to find some reason to respect it, but have not yet succeeded. Apparently, anime is something I simply cannot appreciate. And I would just leave it at that and let people like what they want to like, if it wasn't for disconcerting little notes like these:
"it's pretty funny you say you don't like anime, and say your play dumb games like starfox adventures which has a bad plot and little stuff to do besides hit things with a stick. Appreciating great anime requires discerning taste and apparently all you have is a fondness for simlplistic (sic) kiddy games."
One idiot giving the entire village a bad name? Not quite, as I have quite a few other anime junkies who have said similar things to me. This group of buffoons is a very, very large reason as to why I dislike anime culture so much. Clearly, it goes well beyond the annoyance of seeing anime girls everywhere with breasts the size of bowling balls and dumbfounded, vacuous expressions on their faces, or pictures of overly emo anime soap opera figures "bleeding through the eyes."
I'm sick of anime. I'm tired of seeing it everywhere, and I'm tired of many of its ridiculous fans.
If I posted this on an anime board somewhere, I could expect to be attacked from every conceivable different direction by obsessive anime fans wearing little ninja outfits their parents got for them at Wal-Mart and wielding katanas and samurai swords they purchased via mail-order. They'll tell me things like:
"lol, you stupid furry, anime is an incredible work of art, man, so go back to your con and hump a raccoon."
"you've probably never even watched decent anime, you've just seen the junk on fox kids, lol, i feel sorry for u."
"love hina is so awesome, if you've never watched that or hellsing, which is awesome, u probably have no idea what your even talking about."
"if u don't like anime, then u shouldn't even be breathing my air. get off my intarweb!!~~~~"
"lol, u have sex with cartoon characters >___> .................................................. mmmmmmmmmmm Tsunade........... ^________~;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;"
"Anime is a higher form of art, and if you cannot appreciate it, then I suppose that means you are a lower being."
Of course, this entry is not meant to directly offend anyone, but if some featherbrained anime otaku sees this and blows up for it, I would be very pleased. I'm aware that it's all a matter of personal taste, and am not insisting that liking anime per se is a bad thing. Respect, however, is not a one way street. If you respect my personal tastes, I'll respect your passion for anime. Too many little quips like the one I posted above, however... well, then they will just culminate into entries like these.
A fairly general statement, I know, but it adequately summarises the overall impression that I get whenever I see a "hot" anime chick flaunting her disgusting figure in someone's forum signature image, or view any anime on TV, be it kid or adult-oriented. It could not possibly get any worse than kid shows like "Super Robot Monkey Team Hyper Force Go," but I imagine such a thing is a joke even amongst the anime community. At least, I hope it is.
Actually, I think more "sophisticated" programmes like Hellsing and Full Metal Alchemist are almost as bad. The characters in FMA look and act just as stupid to me as the characters in Dragonball Z. I could not get myself involved in the story at all. The only anime show I've ever managed to sit all the way through was Wolf's Rain, but only because of its slightly furry theme. Otherwise, it was quite a bore, and the characters as humans just got on my nerves.
I don't not like anime just to be different. I have tried as hard as I could to find some reason to respect it, but have not yet succeeded. Apparently, anime is something I simply cannot appreciate. And I would just leave it at that and let people like what they want to like, if it wasn't for disconcerting little notes like these:
"it's pretty funny you say you don't like anime, and say your play dumb games like starfox adventures which has a bad plot and little stuff to do besides hit things with a stick. Appreciating great anime requires discerning taste and apparently all you have is a fondness for simlplistic (sic) kiddy games."
One idiot giving the entire village a bad name? Not quite, as I have quite a few other anime junkies who have said similar things to me. This group of buffoons is a very, very large reason as to why I dislike anime culture so much. Clearly, it goes well beyond the annoyance of seeing anime girls everywhere with breasts the size of bowling balls and dumbfounded, vacuous expressions on their faces, or pictures of overly emo anime soap opera figures "bleeding through the eyes."
I'm sick of anime. I'm tired of seeing it everywhere, and I'm tired of many of its ridiculous fans.
If I posted this on an anime board somewhere, I could expect to be attacked from every conceivable different direction by obsessive anime fans wearing little ninja outfits their parents got for them at Wal-Mart and wielding katanas and samurai swords they purchased via mail-order. They'll tell me things like:
"lol, you stupid furry, anime is an incredible work of art, man, so go back to your con and hump a raccoon."
"you've probably never even watched decent anime, you've just seen the junk on fox kids, lol, i feel sorry for u."
"love hina is so awesome, if you've never watched that or hellsing, which is awesome, u probably have no idea what your even talking about."
"if u don't like anime, then u shouldn't even be breathing my air. get off my intarweb!!~~~~"
"lol, u have sex with cartoon characters >___> .................................................. mmmmmmmmmmm Tsunade........... ^________~;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;"
"Anime is a higher form of art, and if you cannot appreciate it, then I suppose that means you are a lower being."
Of course, this entry is not meant to directly offend anyone, but if some featherbrained anime otaku sees this and blows up for it, I would be very pleased. I'm aware that it's all a matter of personal taste, and am not insisting that liking anime per se is a bad thing. Respect, however, is not a one way street. If you respect my personal tastes, I'll respect your passion for anime. Too many little quips like the one I posted above, however... well, then they will just culminate into entries like these.
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