A productive little member of squirrel society.

"So I, like, walked into his office and he was, like, working on his computer. Then I was, like, have you made the study guide yet, and he was like, you know, "not quite, but I should have it ready by Friday." And I was, like, so mad about that, because, you know, the test is, like, just two days after that!~~~~~~~~~"

Until you learn how to articulate properly in an intelligible manner, quit spewing your rank verbal diarrhea loudly enough for every row of the class to hear. Better yet, speak intelligibly in a voice low enough to direct your useless grumbling exclusively to the person sitting, like, right next to you. Unless you want to go home with a compass needle in your thorax care of a wolf sitting three rows up who happens to be very skilled with darts. Come on, guys, let's be diplomatic. The world's problems can be solved if we all come together in harmony and sow the seeds of peace on our majestic Mother Earth, allowing universal love to germinate.

But before that can happen, some goddamn people need to learn some fucking manners so I don't feel so compelled to obliterate their oblivious expressions with a stock AR33.

---

My current focus in life is getting my projects together. I have at least four weeks left to do so, and that seems like ample time to finish my five major projects satisfactorily. Here's the general layout/timeline:

*I did my research at City of Refuge on Friday, so I can use it to scribble out my term paper. I'm really only viewing it as a longer, citation-requird version of the weekly essays I write for the class. I plan to use mostly reading materials we have already used as sources, so it shouldn't be that difficult, and my goal is to get it done by this coming weekend. Probably won't start on it tonight, with my weekly sustainable development essay and remote sensing lab materials and final project description due tomorrow.

*My 12 page sustainable development paper counts for at least 50% of my course grade, so I had better devote much, much more time and energy to this one. It's not due until Dec. 6, so I still have plenty of time. I decided to focus on the sustainability of the Three Gorges Dam in China, since I am so fascinated by dams and all, and it's the largest dam in the world. And I just -know- it's going to be directly responsible for a major disaster someday. I think I am going to enjoy learning more about the mega-project and writing my thesis on it.

*Good news on the biostats project- I managed to turn up my Ohia tree measurements from my biogeography course in fall of '03, so I'll just 'cheat' and use those for my stats this semester rather than go out into the field and do a bunch of unnecessary work. It's not that my work is all done... I still have to organise and analyse the data, perform a few statistical tests on them, and write up an extensive report. Having to collect the actual data was the part I was dreading the most, though, so I am glad I don't have to worry about that.

*As for my creative design project for web authoring, I'll probably go ahead and make a web site for the university showcasing some of my finest photographs I have taken over the years. After all, all the content must be original. I should be getting started on that soon. Fortunately, we have our last regular lab today.

*Then, there's my lab design project for remote sensing, in which I am supposed to collaborate with another person on. The groups were already assigned, but I don't even remember her name. Whatever... I'll get to it when I get to it.

Anyway, time to get my tail up to UCB so I don't miss Susi. I'm sure no one bothered to read this far, anyway. I can't blame them.

Wailuku River

Wailuku River

To the United States, from Buckingham Palace.

Message from Buckingham Palace to the Citizens of the United States of America:


In light of your failure to elect a competent President and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (excepting Kansas, which she does not fancy). Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a Minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up revocation in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter U will be reinstated in words such as favour and neighbour. Likewise, you will learn to spell doughnut without skipping half the letters, and the suffix -ize will be replaced by the suffix -ise. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels (look up vocabulary).
2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as like and you know is an unacceptable form of communication.
3. There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter U and the elimination of -ize.
4. You will relearn your original national anthem, God Save TheQueen.
5. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
6. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many guns, lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent.
7. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
8. All American cars are hereby banned. They are rubbish: this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will see what we mean.
9. All intersections will be replaced by roundabouts (what you call traffic circles), and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect.
10. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
11. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) - roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
12. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and what you insist on calling a chip is properly called a crisp. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with ketchup but with vinegar.
13. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
14. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters.
15. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
16. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable.
17. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
18. An inland revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
19. Coffee shall contain actual coffee beans, and will not taste like muddy water. Starbuck's shall cease operation with immediate effect.

Thank you for your co-operation,

Buckingham Palace

Of electrical storms and other stimulating things

In our GLO meeting today, we had a little "pleasure party preview." It was pretty interesting to sit in the public lobby of the campus center and pass around massaging gels, shaving creams for intimate areas, genitalia enhancement devices, sexual lubricants, and various high-tech vibrating dildos. Arruff? I hadn't a clue most of this stuff even existed before tonight. I could see a few members were visibly excited about such items; I was simply amused. A man brought his young son through the lobby about halfway through the presentation when at least a dozen different sex toys were in plain view. Screw censorship, eh?

I got a few catalogues featuring all kinds of delightful passion products, though, in case I ever want to order a clitoral pleasure ring or Lucky Stiff gel. I was also given two little packets of watermelon and strawberry flavored lube! Should come in handy when I encounter a squeaky door hinge or a hungry ant. Best of, my wrist was sprayed with a product that purportedly contains a nice assortment of pheromones. My animal attractiveness is now off the scale!!!...teehee.

Early morning euphoria... I felt it this morning. I was roused from sleep at around 5 am by a very powerful rumble of thunder. Naturally, I had to get up and venture outside to watch for lightning, remembering to get dressed beforehand. I did witness a couple of brilliant flashes, but the rain was falling so hard I decided to wait an hour until dawn started to crack and the rain subsided just a little bit before driving out to Honoli'i. Surfers were already jumping into the ocean; nothing depends on the weather in their lifestyle.

After some poking around, I discovered a rugged dirt trail that led down to the sandy beach at the mouth of the gulch. It wasn't that slippery despite having been soaked by inches of rain over the previous few hours. The sandy beach abruptly ended at a rather wide stream, which was incredibly swollen with dark brown flood water and sliding very swiftly into the sea. Falling in probably would have equated to a certain drowning. Still, the view up the river was marvelous, with the tall highway bridge passing over a beautiful house nestled against the cliff wall and right beside the stream. Everything was incredibly green, damp, and cool, and the sky was a euphoric multi-textured steel blue and grey. Simply hanging out on the beach for awhile as the light of day grew stronger was very spiritually satisfying. I soaked up the ambience like a sponge.

And now I shall venture to the store to snatch an energy drink before shoving off for Hawi. I've got a four day weekend ahead of me, but it won't be all relaxation. I have a day of research to do at City of Refuge (murr), but I hope to make it entertaining for myself as possible. At the very least I'll follow it up with dinner and a movie.

I have five major projects to complete by the middle of December, some due sooner than others. School is essentially going to be my life over the next month. *Shrug* Bring it on, I'm game.

I'm also going to have a lot of fun driving home with my newly mixed metal medley...

Yay, censorship!

One thing I still don't get is why the word "outstanding" isn't more commonly used. It is a perfectly acceptable and much more appropriate synonym for "awesome." Examples of how this word may be used:

Wow, that's outstanding.
She's an outstanding friend.
The strength of that large beast is outstanding.
I got an outstanding grade on my exam.

See, it works perfectly well in place of the 'a' word! There's no excuse not to use it! Now, if one ever begins to sound like a broken record in their use of "outstanding," it is admissable for them to throw in an "awesome" here and there, providing it refers to something to be feared, intimidated by, or be spellbound in awe from.

See, I would actually advocate the occasional use of the 'a' word if it weren't for all you chimejobs constantly abusing it and completely tarnishing any integrity it once had twenty years ago!!

Last night, I finally decided that I had had enough of wandering into places online heavily populated with awesome zombies (which sadly comprise 95% of the Internet it seems). I was struck by the idea of searching for some type of word censor I could install on my browser that would completely filter out all instances of the 'a' word on web pages and replace them with a much more tolerable word.

Amazingly, I found a Firefox extension which does just that! It allows me to insert the 'a' word (properly spelled, and many of its idiotically misspelled variants) into a censored words list, then put any word or phrase I wish to replace the 'a' word with everytime it shows up. I chose "great."

The outstanding thing about this is that much of the time, I won't even know when someone used the 'a' word or not in a forum posting, journal entry, etc. I'll just assume they said "great." After all, the way most people abuse the 'a' word, "great" is most commonly a perfectly sensible and fabulous substitute. Sensational!

(Oh, sorry, I don't mean to be selfish. Here's the extension, if any other Firefox users want to take advantage of this brain cell-saving feature. The zombies will NEVER steal my vocabulary and literary eloquence and turn me into one of them!)

Now, if only I could get some type of micro chip implanted into my brain that would somehow cause me to hear any of a number of decent synonyms in place of the 'a' word whenever someone around me says it. Then, I would have a much better chance of staying sane.

Though, psychotherapy might be the more practical and less expensive solution. In a way, though, I favour being this obsessive. It proves to me that I am still quite sentient and in tune with my own little messed up world.

"Cannot establish a file transfer session with Timberwolf because he/she is not a secure user."

**Grabs a guitar in slow motion** *twing twang* *twing twing twang twing*

That's right, everyone. I'm innnnnnseeeeeeccccuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeee...

It takes the 'groaning' out of 'toning'!

This entry is more for my own benefit than anyone else's. I was considering posting it as a private entry somewhere, but I figure I would feel more obligated to adhere to a few resolutions of mine posted in an area viewable by the public.

I have decided recently that I would like to lose a few pounds. I realise that I am, in fact, thin, and am within the so-called ideal weight range for my age. At the same time, however, I notice that I am carrying around just a little excess fat, without which I could be even more limber and lighter on my feet. I don't believe it would be too difficult to get rid of, either. Besides that, I simply want to make my lifestyle more healthful for my own sake.

I feel I already get enough exercise, though more wouldn't hurt. It has become a little more difficult to be physically active lately with the stresses and obligations of school constantly hovering over my head, but there is one way to get around this: start riding my bike to and from school more often. The only excuse I have for driving most of the time is that it's habitual. Either that, or the sun is beating down... but that's a much better excuse, I feel. On any pleasant overcast day, I should be riding to school. Also, I should never deny my impulses to go out, except when something much more important needs to be accomplished beforehand.

What I ultimately must focus on, though, is eating better. Less greasy, fatter food, more better food. I do eat mostly healthy food, truth be told, but there is still room for improvement. I believe more salads and grains are in order.

More importantly, though, is -how- I eat. I have developed a terrible habit of eating only one large meal per day, with a little bit of snacking hither and thither. Not a good idea. I should eat several small meals throughout the day, and refrain from eating until I'm stuffed, as I can be satisfied without being "stuffed." Firstly, I should stop skipping breakfast in the mornings, even though I may not be hungry immediately after waking up. Breakfast kicks my metabolism into gear during my class hours, which is, of course, a good thing. Then, after class is over, I wouldn't feel so inclined to completely gorge myself. Secondly, I'm going to stop having big snacks before bedtime. If I'm truly hungry, I may have a granola bar, but no more chocolate, please. Third, I discovered an anemic weasel playing Pinochle in the springyard. In bed.

I could also invest in a miracle diet pill, one that is guaranteed to make me lose twenty pounds in a week. Or I could wear a Saunabelt and lose a whole inch in 50 minutes... that sounds enticing. I could even opt for liposuction- I know Dr. Watkins would take good care of me! Because you know, I just can't achieve my goal using natural methods, what with fast food restaurants making me fat by forcing their food down my throat and the horrible rainy weather keeping me indoors.

On an unrelated note, I was downloading at nearly 500 kilobytes per second earlier. That was awfully awe-inspiring. *Darth Vader mouth-breathe* I am programmed to DLT spam. Die viruses! **Pushes up glasses and snorts**

This month is going to be a wild ride for me. Wish me luck pze.