Dec 28, 2008

Don't look back in anger

This morning, I really wanted to pick up the stand-alone vanity mirror in the bathroom and slam it down onto the counter as hard as I could. I was able to maintain enough composure to merely pick it up above my head and simulate the behavior as best as I could without damaging anything. I really, really craved the satisfaction of destroying something, but I wasn't in quite enough of a rage to not be able to think ahead of what the consequences would be. Having to clean up a few hundreds shards of broken glass, possibly pull some out of my skin and then mop up the blood, purchase a replacement mirror, and perhaps be stricken with seven years' bad luck. So with all that in mind, I just put it down and chewed on a bath towel instead.

It makes me wish life was more like a cartoon, where I could break the hell out of something to my heart's content and then it will magically clean itself up and replace itself five minutes later. After all, the mirror did nothing to instigate my wrath, and I have no reason to prefer it remain in a million pieces. It just happened to be standing up and staring back at me at the wrong time. The key is to be able to control myself well enough to not always grab the nearest handy object to throw, but rather the nearest available object that isn't important and won't cause any real damage.

Maybe I simply need a safer, more reliable outlet for my frustrations. A punching bag, perhaps, or some manner of effigy?

1 comment:

fleetingentity said...

Ironic and sad at the same time, as I have been wishing to do the exact same thing. Even as I use something glass i've been picturing it perfectly smashed against a cold hard brick wall, deriving a great deal of satistfaction and relief from it. **huddles beside you consolingly** Sounds like we need to talk...