Jul 24, 2008


According to my original paperwork, the desktop computer I'm using has officially turned eight years old today. How old would that be in computer years? I should note that she's still purring like a kitten. A sluggish, obese, gassy kitten.

I'm also driving a pickup truck which is going on 20 years old and has more miles on it than hairs on my fursona. It's grey with... uhh... rust... discoloration. Much like my computer, it looks as attractive as a sack of rotten potatoes, but it gets the job done. I'm content with that.

However, I am facing pressure by the media and high-tech consumers to purchase myself a brand new flat-screen 1080p LCD HDTV that measures at least 50 inches. That sounds like true happiness right there. You know what they say about a man with big appliances. Then I'd get to buy HD programming, a high-definition player, movies formatted to take full advantage of the high-definition player, and uh, pay it all off next year. Then true happiness will just sit there collecting dust as I work 60 hours a week just to pay off all the interest and finance charges on all the materialistic indulgences I have to have sitting in my room to make a statement about my place in society. Well, never mind.

I find greater happiness riding my bike around town in the rain in the middle of the night. Last time, though, a drunken idiot in front of a bar made a little remark as I passed him by: "are you crazy, man? You're riding in the rain?" What struck me is that it didn't just seem like a predictable sarcastic quip from a person with reduced inhibition. He seemed sincerely shocked. Oh, sir, if only you had some clue about who I am or some of the other things I do in my life. That would surely make you faint. Riding my bike in the rain, through public property, with clothes on even, is tame, tame stuff.

It reminded me why I'm usually avoiding people. Many of them are fine, but others can't seem to mind their own business. I don't really care too much about how they regard me, and they can gawk at me as much as they want, but it would be nice if they could keep their annoying judgmental remarks to themselves.

Jul 19, 2008

The AMV must be one of the most retarded inventions of mankind, and they're all over the internet. Stop disgracing good songs by pairing them with Dragonball Z episodes, AHHH!!!

Jul 13, 2008

Miscellaneous thought dump pt. 1

Another thing I like about Super Mario All-Stars is that the updated level music for the original SMB game sounds as if it was reorchestrated by Jimmy Buffett after a few margaritas. Makes me want to grab a jug of rum and swing in the hammock while heaving fireballs at flying turtles.


John McCain, you're old. And frankly, you're not at all attractive to look at. Are you storing acorns in your cheeks? You look like you belong in a coffin. We don't need all your experience being a politician. Barack Obama, you're from Hawaii, you look youthful and handsome, and seem like a man who will get things done rather than just say they'll get done. And you getting elected would piss off a lot of republicans. I'm totally voting for you, brother, so keep chillin'.


I'm going camping under the moonlight for awhile, but I'll be sure to bring my iPhone with me and stay constantly connected. That way all my dope sk8r budz can stay in touch with me wherever I go, and know exactly where I am all times using the sick built-in GPS feature. Haha, psych. I'm going somewhere so remote I may as well be slipping off the face of the earth, and I would never waste my money on something that lets others keep constant track of my exact whereabouts. I'm reaching out and connecting to mother nature, and I shall have excellent reception.

Jul 12, 2008

Rotten Apple

The launch of Apple Inc.'s much-anticipated new iPhone turned into an information-technology meltdown on Friday, as customers were unable to get their phones working.

"It's such grief and aggravation," said Frederick Smalls, an insurance broker in Whitman, Massachusetts, after spending two hours on the phone with Apple and AT&T Inc., trying to get his new iPhone to work.

In stores, people waited at counters to get the phones activated, as lines built behind them. Many of the customers had already camped out for several hours in line to become among the first with the new phone, which updates the one launched a year ago by speeding Internet access and adding a navigation chip.

Enthusiasm was high ahead of the Friday morning launch of the phone. Alex Cavallo, 24, was one of hundreds lined up at the Fifth Avenue store in New York, just as he had been a year ago for the original iPhone. He sold that one recently on eBay in anticipation of the new one. In the meantime, he has been using another phone, which felt "uncomfortable." Video Watch people lining up to purchase the iPhone »

"The iPhone is just a superior user experience," he said. The phone also proved a decent investment for him: He bought the old model for $599 and sold it for $570.

Nick Epperson, a 24-year-old graduate student, spent the night outside an AT&T store in Atlanta, Georgia, keeping his cheer up with bags of Doritos, three games of Scrabble and two packs of cigarettes. Asked why he was waiting in line, he responded simply "Chicks dig the iPhone."

IPhone fever was strong even in Japan, where consumers are used to tech-heavy phones that do restaurant searches, e-mail, music downloads, reading digital novels and electronic shopping. More than 1,000 people lined up at the Softbank Corp. store in Tokyo and the phone quickly sold out.

"Just look at this obviously innovative design," Yuki Kurita, 23, said as he emerged from buying his iPhone, carrying bags of clothing and a skateboard he had used as a chair during his wait outside the Tokyo store. "I am so thrilled just thinking about how I get to touch this."

It's such grief and aggravation... yeah, I imagine it is, when your happiness seems to be so dependent on acquiring and expressing yourself through overpriced digital gadgets, and buying a trendy new cell phone to be one with the rest of the clones is actually a momentous occasion in your life.

Jul 4, 2008

Tear it down.

*snorts* I honestly wish some vicious storm would suddenly come along and wipe out all these cheap beer-guzzling, bass note-dropping, smoke-fanning, horn-honking revelers. After it was over, I would walk out and stand amongst the rubble, gazing up at the beautiful post-tempest cloud formations, breathing in the fresh air while the birds and other wildlife emerged safely out of hiding to join me, all of us enjoying together the aftermath of immaculate silence and tranquility.

I'm already detached from society with most of my psyche, but days like today only make me wish I had quite the audacity to completely extricate myself from civilization. Every instinct of mine points away, away, away.

p.s. The Pink Floyd show was the one thing I had to look forward to but it was canceled this week because of the stupid fucking holiday.