Aug 18, 2014

Rain... drops

Hey, you know, I haven't drunk-posted/post-hot bath posted here in years, literally! It seems I'm sorely overdue. Beyond even that point, to be honest. It's 2:15 in the morning, I'm wide a-fucking-wake, the night is delightfully young, let's get this shit started.

What's new this week... it's still fucking August. I really look forward to it no longer being August. Though, much to my amazement, on Thursday of last week, I was treated to a very unexpected surprise. The godawful constant summer sunshine was finally erased - put in its place by a day full of cloud cover. But that's not all - when I was done with work around 7:00 in the evening, rain was coming down steadily. Wow. I just had to sit in the car for awhile, absorbing the moment, convincing myself it wasn't a dream. This sort of thing wasn't supposed to happen until later in September, but what do you know, someone or something took mercy on my dark soul. I drove out to a wooded park in the fading light of day, window all the way down for once to let in the heavy drops, and started down a refreshingly dampened trail. I felt so wonderfully invigorated and rejuvenated by the constant rainfall, I just wanted to run through the forest, and so I did. I got thoroughly wet hopping from rock to rock across a stream, collecting fallen leaves that indicating the impending arrival of autumn, finally regaining some sense of belonging in this space and time. I got a much needed taste of the northwest I know and love, a long overdue reminder. Make the crowds go away, bring on the clouds and the return of that familiar "dreary" weather, make me feel at home once again.

I am fascinated by the extent of which the weather tends to affect my mood. Long, sunny days just drain the hell out of me and sometimes even lead me into a state of depression, while dark, stormy days revitalize my spirit in ways I can hardly describe. Yesterday, around mid-afternoon, I felt so goddamn low all I wanted to do was hibernate in my dark den until dusk took over. The thought of going out and dealing with the remaining harsh light of day made me want to pull the blankets even more over my head.

To some, this symptom might be indicative of a deeper psychological issue. That could very well be true. We all have issues, different kinds of issues. Summer affective disorder is probably quite real; an unusual ailment I never had to face in a tropical climate where seasonal variation is always very slight. In Hawaii, there is no such thing as weeks at a time of perfectly clear days. Clouds and rain are an inevitability on a daily basis at all times of the year. I've always found that very easy to live with. In the islands, the sun is out often, but it could just as often be covered by clouds, and spontaneous cloudbursts are likely to occur at any given time, especially in the early morning, late afternoon, or evening.

I dunno. I feel great comfort on those damp, cloudy days we are graced with, and pretty much the exact opposite when the sun beats down relentlessly. But hey, what's it fucking matter, every day spent alive and in good health is a day to treasure to its absolute fullest. We all have plenty of time ahead of us to be dead.

I've already decided that it would be best for me to return home within the next couple years, where I really feel most at harmony with the surrounding natural world, where my spirit thrives. And not purely out of selfishness... I want to be the best I can be, the warmest and most genuine person as possible for my mate, and the handful of companions I keep. The scant few that could begin to understand the words I write, or even care to try.

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