May 9, 2008

The best ballpark names in major league baseball

The major league ballparks of America have such awe-inspiring names these days. Allow me to examine a few of them and make some recommendations.

If you're into beer, you've got plenty of selection. There's Miller Park, Coors Field, and Busch Stadium. What else is memorable about St. Louis other than it's the home of Budweiser? The Colorado Rockies used to play in Mile High Stadium, which made sense considering they played a mile above sea level, but ah hell, let's just name the new field after a beer instead, 'cause it's Colorado and all you know? Tap the Rockies. Wait, not those Rockies! On second thought, yeah... go ahead and tap them.

Maybe you'd just prefer a tall glass of orange juice. I'm sure Minute Maid Park in Houston or the Devil Rays' Tropicana Field would be appropriate places to have breakfast. The Houston Astros used to play in a park named the Astrodome, but that name tended to imply that they were a franchise destined to reach the stars rather than just struggling to wake up.

There seems to be all sorts of ball parks named after banks and insurance agencies. The loud and boisterous Phillies fans gorge on outrageously fatty foods at Citizens Bank Park, the Diamondbacks slither into the shade of the climate-controlled oasis known as Chase Field, the Reds put on an unforgettable show of homestyle mediocrity at Great American Ball Park, and the Pirates now have a stellar view of a less than stellar Pittsburgh skyline in a park named after PNC Financial Services. I guess a sensible, non-corporate name like the "Three Rivers Stadium" they used to play in was just too lame for the modern age.

But wait, there's more. The Indians bang their drum in Progressive Field (that's Progressive Insurance, of course), the Seattle Mariners praise the grey skies above for the miracle of auto insurance in Safeco Field (even though the team is owned by Nintendo), and the Tigers deposit their checks in Comerica Park. If that isn't the coolest name for a ballpark ever, I don't know what is. It doesn't roll of the tongue quite as smoothly as the home of the White Sox, "U.S. Cellular Field," but it's still pretty damn good. Not to be outdone, but the San Francisco Giants love playing in AT&T Park. Sprint users, go home!

The San Diego Padres would love to let the dogs run loose in Petco Park, but it appears they've forgotten their training on how to win a game.

Then there are the ballparks most people, even those mildly into baseball, have never heard of, like Kauffman Stadium and Rogers Centre. Good thing names like Angel Stadium and Rangers Ballpark are much more self-explanatory.

Wrigley Field is a different story. William Wrigley just so happened to be the owner of the Cubs and the Wrigley chewing gum company, so that's the reason the stadium was named after him in 1926. No Juicy Fruit or Big Red advertisements all around that park, I'm afraid.

The Oakland A's are the only major league baseball team playing in a "coliseum," which appears to be named after a mainstream anti-virus software manufacturer. McAfee Coliseum. What an awesome name.

ALL SARCASM ASIDE, the best-named ballpark out there is clearly Fenway. Now that's a damn fine name. And it doesn't immediately remind you of a beer commercial, your credit card bills, or a cell phone ad. How nice. Coming in second would be Wrigley, because I love the way that name rolls off the tongue (and mind, this has nothing to do with favoritism toward the Red Sox or Cubs).

1 comment:

fleetingentity said...

Hey, I told you about Arena right? *smirks* anyhow on the ballparks topic, i'd have to say I would definitely prefer a Wii Field or Nintendo Stadium to anything we've got now :)