I'm feeling grey, and a little blue.

I want to get a Siberian Husky pup somewhere along the line, and raise him or her from puppyhood to adulthood. The mere appearance of these very sweet canines just melts my heart. They are incredibly gorgeous. Not to mention, I have felt a remarkably close connection to nearly every one I've met. I seem to have a very close connection to this breed. Whenever I see a husky or similar-looking mix around here, I cannot help but gaze into its marvelous eyes and smile, then give his or her owners a dirty envious glare.

I may not be able to do such a thing for a couple or three years. At the very least, I would want to make sure I'm settled in somewhere for awhile, and have things together enough to commit to raising a dog properly. I would hate to have to move somewhere and "give away" or "sell" my loyal companion. Something does not seem right about that at all.

My mom tells me, "but Hawaii's climate is too hot for such a long-furred dog!"

Arf? Dogs have a panting mechanism for a reason, and I would make sure he/she had plenty of shade to romp or lay around in. I highly doubt the animal would be very uncomfortable. That is if I'm still in Hawaii when I decide to get one.

If for some petty reason I am never able to get a dog of my own, though, at least I can take solace in the fact that I can always adopt a highway.

The Big Idea

Something compelled me to go out tonight, for an hour. Just one hour. Actually, it probably wasn't even that long. Nothing extraordinary occurred outside of my own mind. (Do extraordinary things ever occur outside one's own mind?) Yet, I mark it as the most memorable event of the past 24 hours. Nothing extraordinary occurred, or perhaps the entire experience was so extraordinary that I am incapable of comprehending how extraordinary it was.

I was just wandering about the yard, basking in the jovial glow of the holiday lights as I have done every evening for the past week. As I have done every other night, I glanced up our lonely narrow road. Past a single streetlamp illuminating the dry, cool pavement with its dusty amber gaze, the road makes a 90° turn uphill, into a realm of darkness and whispering ironwoods. It ascends steeply, straight an an arrow, before writhing about in gentle curves beneath a dense tunnel of trees. A main by-way is crossed, itself rugged and underused as it twists around carved out forested banks. The road changes its name and becomes even narrower, dramatically curvier, and significantly steeper, always cloaked with the thick canopies of wind-taunted trees. It leads much farther up the mystical mountain slopes than I ventured tonight.

I brought my bike along. I walked it more than rode it up the road, but going back down, sitting, rolling, and brake-manipulating substituted for a mile of walking. The night was so dark, my fine-tuned night vision could not even perceive the road upon which I was traveling. It appeared to me as a deep narrow void, and I half expected to tumble into a canyon any second. I was that delirious... delirious with wonder.

The outlines of the trees that grew beside the road, their swaying tops visible against the overcast night sky, were my guides; those boundaries I knew I must stay between in order to avoid plummeting into a ditch. At one point I overhead eerie children's music emitting from a wooded area just above a steep bank alongside the road, and glanced up to see a small shack flashing with ethereal blue and green light. A shack where no one would expect there to be a home. Children singing in the brambles. The only other sounds I could hear were occasional rustles in the trees, the constant mellow drone of the insects, and the gentle breeze soaring through the trees. Easy breezy beautiful, and extraordinarily cool and dark.

After crossing the highway, I continued up the newly named road, but not far. I dumped my bike and sprawled out on my back upon a nice grassy ledge, not expecting any traffic. Portions of the sky were beginning to clear, and in these patches, the heavens appeared crowded with billions of brilliant cosmic lights. An ideal song played in my head, an elaborate song of entirely my own creation that was conceived only in my mind. I became unaware of my own body. No slight itches, no minor aches, no involuntary twitches that constantly remind one of their cursed blessing of participation in the physical plane of existence. I was alone with my mind and spirit, my body lost. I was convinced my soul and the one soul beside me were the last remaining on Earth. The world spoke to me very gently, through the chittering of very small critters and the whooshing of the air. Everything seemed to coalesce in perfect harmony.

It was then that I concluded that I really am beginning to believe less in coincidences, and more in a higher power.

I have always been highly spiritual, and have recognised and acknowledged that for years, but have never been religious. I have no intention of being religious, either. I believe spirituality is good, for I do greatly accord with the words of Socrates, "the unexamined life is not worth living." I do not, however, see the good in religion. I believe it is ultimately the root cause of much more damage and suffering than good. At this point in my life, I could never become brainwashed enough to subscribe to a conventional set of beliefs unless circuitry was implanted in my brain.

I do not wish to refer to this superior intelligence I perceive as "God," nor am I going to accept that it identifies with or should be classified into either gender or other human construct. I do not believe it serves or favours humans to any greater extent that any other organism on earth, microscopic or colossal. I do believe it is everywhere at once, and well beyond our capacity to physically sense. Humans did not invent the intricate and spellbinding mathematics of nature; the sublimely intelligent power did. Everything in nature serves a purpose, whether it is known to us or not. Everything exists for a reason.

So, rather than lead myself on to believe that life is based around a series of disconnected disposable coincidences, some of which seem so striking we are blown away by them, I am now much more content to accept that nothing is coincidental. Everything is connected. And when my mind first came to this conclusion, a profound sense of warmth and reassurance surged through me. I hadn't felt quite so sure about anything in quite some time. I have no reason to doubt the very essence of my soul, and what my heart tells me is right.

I feel like I have taken a very big step forward in my spiritual journey, tonight... and that is extremely fulfilling. I feel more connected with ... everything than ever before.

Anthropomorphic, planetary, planetary, anthropomorphic...

I have never much desired to play online multiplayer games, nor have I ever really undertstood their appeal. A few weeks ago, a friend of mine urged me to try out Second Life. I did download the game and install it on my laptop, but played only ten minutes into before my machine overheated ... moments before I would have become bored enough to quit voluntarily.

I believe my reluctance to play such games has much to do with an unwillingness to put in the effort required to learn the basics and build up my skill levels. More often than not, it seems like more work than fun, at least to begin with. Just as I have to "get into" a record for it to become a favourite, I would have to do the same with a game. The older I become, or rather, the more advanced video games become, the more difficult that is for me to do. I am simply not the passionate gamer I used to be. I have positively no interest in playing rubbish like Call of Duty: The Big Red Turd, Halo, Everquest, or Warhammer 40k Space Marine Assault Squad Premium Edition. The idea of even attempting to enjoy games like those is well beyond my ability to fathom. I would rather... read a book. Or write. Or wander around. PC gaming just isn't for me.

Regardless, I have been wanting to try my paw at Second Life again. I would like to have Akuro show me exactly what you're supposed to do in that game, and how you transform your boring, dull human character into a furry anthro as quickly as possible. Though, something about the game's name intimidates me. I really don't care to become addicted to the point where my "first life" seems to become secondary. The thought of some sweaty, obese nerd sitting at his computer for hours and hours stocking items in his virtual shop and building his character's levels for the next epic battle, before eventually going out to Taco Bell with his nerdy gamer friends and being unable to converse about anything but the game they just played just depresses the hell out of me. I never want to be like that, so I hope this game doesn't become "addicting." I think the game would be a fine way of meeting more new furs and having an enjoyable time for 1-3 hours per day.

As for video games in general, I believe I am simply going to forget about the present and future, as very little out there interests me at all. I want to catch up on some quality NES, SNES, and N64 games I missed. If I could replace all those X-Box and PS2 titles in my local Gamestop with the greatest NES and SNES games ever made, I would in a heartbeat. Then while the hardcore current generation gamers are off bragging about the premium graphics and awesome explosions on their military training simulators I would be sitting in my cozy little room playing my brand new copy of Secret of Evermore, becoming lost in a beautiful game that not only requires imagination, but also inspires it.

'Tis the season... to drink.

Good holiday drinks:

Dirty muther: 1 pt. tequila, 1 pt. Kahlua, milk
Egg nog & brandy
Egg nog liqueor
Red wine
Rum & cola
Jagermeister

Those are some of the beverages I have been enjoying as of late. Good quality alcohol accounts for a decent portion of the fun I have been having here lately. I can safely say I needed a real vacation like this. Interestingly, just sitting around drinking seems to make the time pass slower. Well, good... I am really in no hurry to see the new year. Though, I do have something to look forward to, besides finding myself a respectable full-time job and pleading to be let into a closed class. Susi found a flyer for some local "Electronic Music Festival" which he mentioned on the phone today. Definitely worth checking out!

A few hours out of today were spent replacing all four shock absorbers on my little rambler. The most difficult one, by far, was the left rear, as I had to work around the colossal muffler of much impedence with my wrench and breaker bar, and have specks of mud constantly falling into my face and hair. The front installations went much more smoothly, since the nuts were not near-impossibly tight and I could work from the side. I am glad I got that out of the way.

As for my future plans, in a nutshell, I need a job (and don't need any more reminding, either). That would lead to other things, such as being able to afford a better place to live than my present shoebox. Not that it's bad, it's just far from optimal. I wouldn't mind living in a place where any observer could clearly distinguish the living room from the bedroom from the kitchen. A private balcony would be a nice touch. In any case, it looks as if I'll be staying in Hilo for quite awhile, if things work out at all. I honestly don't have either the desire or the means to move to any other particular location right now. Yup, I guess I'll just have to continue putting up with all the rain, mold, and frogs. Such a dreary place to live... well, it wouldn't hurt my feelings if more people decided to move away. ^_^

I am anxious to see whether my degree in May will actually help me get involved in any 'important' work. I would like to think that what matters most is how hard you studied and what a dedicated hard worker you are, rather than who you happen to know, how good you are at showing interviewers what a perfect people person you are as you show your flawless set of snow-white teeth, and how many bullshit clubs and organisations you signed up for just to impress people. But I know better.

Looks like I'll just be "winging it." Hey, that's what I've been doing my whole life, so I must be good at it!

Just as I mentioned on FS, licking the battery contacts on the back of my cell phone results in a very unique sensation.

Whoosh.

On the island of Hawaii (also known as "the Big Island"), a 10 Megawatt (MW) wind farm at Upolu Point in North Kohala is under development by Hawi Renewable Development. Additional information is provided on the electric utility website: www.heco.com. From an article in West Hawaii Today: According to David Absher, Hawi Renewable Development's vice president, "Upolu Point is one of the best places in the U.S. to build a wind farm. The wind blows there 70 percent of the time." Also from the article: HELCO's contract with Hawi Renewable Development "will pay them what we would have paid to produce the same amount of power," according to Warren Lee, HELCO president. "That is, during peak hours (7 a.m. - 9 p.m.) they'll be paid 9.2 cents per kilowatt hour. During off - peak hours, they'll be paid 7.47 cents a kilowatt hour." The amount paid will fluctuate with the price of oil.

(http://www.hawaii.gov/dbedt/ert/wind_hi.html)

Well, I am ambivalent about this project. The site is a mere ten minutes' drive away, and lies on one of the most remote (and visually captivating) pastoral areas on the island. It is hard for me condemn something like this; a "clean" alternative energy source, where a great amount of power would undoubtedly be generated due to very reliable winds. This is a step in the right direction for less environmentally destructive power generation and cheaper electricity, and there is truly no better place on the island for it (other than South Point, which already has a dilapidated wind farm which really should be renovated). Even the zealots who think the sacred remains of their ancestors are buried on every square inch of the island probably won't complain! Really, it's nothing but grassland.

Even still, I foresee the completion of this project directly resulting in a decrease in real estate values. This prediction pertains particularly to the homes and future subdivisions located up the hill from the farm, from which views of the ocean will be obstructed by these massive towers whose bulging bodies no doubt glint brilliantly in the sunlight. Quite a few existing homes and future developments will be affected. I cannot neglect to mention the sentamentalist objection that having these structures visible from miles in every direction will greatly impact the atmosphere of the region which suggests desolation and wildness, especially near the sea cliffs. That I can identify with. Those things are nifty to look at, but hardly blend in with the scenery.

This place could use a development like this, though. The wind farm will most likely become a part of Hawi's identity, showing up in local signs, artworks, and symbolism. They'll probably even do wind farm tours! The world changes fast, and it usually changes for the worst. Depending on one's perspective, this could be an exception. My education compels me to care about things like this.

Early phase:

Rave up the night!

Another long day of shopping finally draws to a close.

Admittedly, I enjoy it this time of year. It is more gratifying to shop for others than for myself, and I had no shopping for myself to do on this go-around. Whenever I go to Costco I feel like a sweet-toothed cub in a candy store, what with all their exciting merchandise and excellent deals (DVD 3-pack with Waiting for Guffman, Best in Show, and The Mighty Wind- $18.99). More movies, more books, more items to fill that huge gap beneath the tree. Oh, the sheer materialism of it all. Jesus who? The good news is, I've done all the shopping I feel I'm obligated to do.

My biggest incentive for going with my mother on this trip was to spend some time in Kona. Wonderful town it is, especially after sunset. Heavy afternoon clouds often linger over the mountain after twilight, periodically cooling things down with nice, warm showers. The views of the town lights along the steep slopes on their descents straight to the sea are all lovely, and there is a great assortment of restaurants and bars to dine or drink at along the ocean drive. I have always found the atmosphere there in the late afternoon and early evening exceptionally pleasant, and there is certainly plenty to do, relative to where I am now at least. A little semblance of proper civilisation is certainly worth an hour's commute from here, a veritable outback-on-a-stick. When I feel like being in civilisation, at least. I don't believe there is a cozier place in the world than up here, especially when experiencing the warmth in the house while the wind, rain, and mountain fog dominates the outdoors. It's always pleasant to come home to, no matter how much fun I may have painting the town grey.





I have this very strange, primal urge to go camping one of these days. I'm talking tents, sleeping bags, a private little sandy beach by the sea, the whole Italian special. It's just a shame everyone I've asked is "too busy" or "too tired" to want to go with me. Oh well, I'm sure my dog wouldn't object!

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe

I went to see this film not expecting a thing. After all, I had no idea what to expect. I had avoided reading any reviews or listening to any opinions of the movie for a week; I wanted to go in with a completely neutral perspective, and did not want my opinion to be swayed in the slightest before I saw it for myself.

Unfortunately, I had never even heard of Narnia prior to this summer. I now wish I could have discovered or been introduced to the literature when I was a child, which would certainly make its conversion into a major motion picture much more exciting for me. Though I had never picked up any of the books, I was still filled with a sense of glee as I strolled into the theatre. I had a strong feeling I would enjoy this film. Even the previews were enjoyable, featuring Over the Hedge (can't wait to see that one!), Ice Age 2, and Curious George. Well, forget about that last one; much too preschoolish for my tastes. But enough foreplay, allow me to concisely summarise my thoughts on the first Narnia installment, because conciseness is good.

I don't feel I even need to say it, but I will for the sake of proper courtesy. There are spoilers in this entry, so if you have not yet seen Narnia: W³ and don't want surprises ruined, read no further.

The first part of the movie, up until about the point where all the children find themselves in the wondrous land of Narnia, seemed to move rather slowly. Even my patient self found me getting a little impatient. Though, the source of my impatience could be very my anticipation of the exciting events that would surely unfold later in the film, so perhaps it was for the better.

The lamppost. Yes, I was given chills when I first laid eyes upon the lamppost. See, the lamppost at the edge of Narnia looks very, very similar to a recurring icon in my dreams that has been present in my sub-conscious for as long as I can remember. "The End of Time" location in the Super Nintendo game Chrono Trigger looks hauntingly similar to the place where that object resides- a place I have revisited in hundreds if not thousands of my dreams, far back as I can remember. It consists of little more than a platform surrounded by eternal misty void, with an eerie-looking lamppost planted right in the middle, somehow burning on even as time is at a standstill. When I first visited "The End of Time" in that game, I was absolutely convinced I was dreaming. When I saw the lamppost after Lucy first wandered into Narnia through the wardrobe, I thought I was dreaming. I was immediately taken to that familiar place. It is one of the things that defines my sub-conscious, and when certain images trigger conscious memories of that place, I am left a little spellbound. In other words, I was deeply touched by the movie very early on.

Mr. Tumnus the Faun is a loveable character, as was most certainly intentional. Though, my heart most certainly went out to the beavers, in all their glory and slaptail antics, and of course, the fox. Tilda Swinton plays a stunningly icy impression of the White Witch, which I feel captures the extent of her evilness and then some.

I recognised a particular location in the film captured by sweeping aerial footage: Angel's Window on the north rim of the Grand Canyon. It looked magnificent in the movie, covered with snow, but I found it amazing when I traveled up there in June of 2003.

It is simply a beautiful film all around. Much of the scenery is enchanting and spectacular, the special effects in action sequences are done very well, and the creatures are rendered marvelously. C.S. Lewis may have said he never wanted his novels to be converted into films, but he had no way of knowing just how realistically a talking lion could be rendered in the 21st century. Aslan is amazing. His facial expressions, body movements, everything... so convincing. The majesty of a lion, my goodness. I could have lost myself in his mane quite easily. The computer-generated wolves were quite breathtaking as well.

Though, a little blood certainly would have made things seem a little more passionate, especially where Aslan bares his fangs after mauling the White Witch. That scene needed blood dripping from his pearly white fangs. It just plain needed it, even if it meant a PG-13 rating. In my opinion, the movie was a little too intense for a PG rating, anyway. Maybe they'll wise up with the next film.

Oh, and I really loved the musical score. Very, very lovely and affecting, yet anything but overly dramatic and cheesy a la Lord of teh Rings.

Susi quickly expressed his loath towards the movie blatantly being used as a tool for marketing Christianity. No one can reasonably deny such a thing, because the evidence is abundant. I smelled Aslan's "resurrection" before he was even killed. And those evil, evil wolves! The difference between him and I is that it actually negatively affected his overall enjoyment of the film, whereas I managed to look beyond that truth and simply enjoy it for it what it was: a sensational, riveting, awe-inspiring epic fantasy tale. I can empathise with his cynicism but only to a degree, because I did not have the same experience as he did actually having to attend a Catholic school and be directly bombarded on a daily basis with mind-fucking Christian propaganda. Poor soul. Thank goodness he managed to get out from under all that shit. The wolf within prevails in those who are strong.