Nov 1, 2004

The silent treatment could very well be the cure.

More often than not, I have no idea what to say. More often than not, I find it easier to simply say nothing than struggle for what I feel are the right words for a given situation. I feel the exact opposite of those who find silence to be awkward. I often find words to be awkward, and a communication format based entirely on written or spoken words becomes quite difficult to bear at times. I stop and consider what a huge role non-verbal communication plays, and remind myself it's a terribly lacking ingredient in text and phone conversations. I cannot always think of the words to express myself. In fact, I usually can't think of the words to appropriately express myself. I'd much rather express myself through a facial expression or a bodily movement, for I am quite an animated character, and I feel such gestures express more effectively what I am typically thinking or feeling than my words ever could. Responding to e-mails, or even instant messages, is often a challenge, as a proper reply always forces me to dream up and arrange a series of ... words. Maybe I wasn't formatted to think so heavily in terms of language, maybe it's yet another facet of my non-human sensibilities. I speak English when necessary, but oftentimes, I would love to get by with a few simple grunts and growls. Linguistically simple, yet they can express so much ... in person. It's fascinating how words can serve as evidence of my competence, an exceptionally useful tool for my survival as well as convenience, and the bane of my existence all at the same time. If I'm mostly quiet in one's presence, it isn't always because I have little I wish to say. It's often because I have too much to say, and words cannot possibly do it all justice. The easiest way to deal with it? Not say anything at all. But goodness! Words are absolutely necessary to maintain a journal such as this.

You lose all sense of reason
You have no sense of danger
It's like you're living in a dream.
It lets you float through crowds and
Makes you smile at strangers
It's just the greatest state of being.

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