Dec 26, 2004

Life's a beach, then you dive.

I took all kinds of lovely photographs of valley streams and waterfalls, forests, a hawk, and the ocean skyline today, but my Gateway notebook with the built-in memory card reader is a paperweight, and I forgot to bring my USB cable which allows me to connect the digital camera to my desktop. Oh well. I'll be back there in two days.

I also saw a large pig today with three small baby pigs following behind her single-file. Aww-inspiring. And in the same place, I had a staring contest with a majestic Hawaiian hawk for awhile. The hawk won.

I'm so glad Christmas is over. It was incredibly depressing this year. The whole event was terribly strained. Everyone was clearly trying too hard to act as if they were actually enjoying themselves. The senselessness of it all infuriated me, and I feel fortunate I got through it without nipping anyone's head off (though things could have potentially gotten a little ugly over Christmas dinner). Something about being here depresses me immensely, and it isn't my parents. The utter isolation, maybe, and bitter memories of the worse times of my childhood. Perhaps it's the fact that nothing changes here, which evokes the realisation of how much I have changed, and that the golden days of my childhood have long passed me by. I am never going to get them back. What's it matter, though? I'm still as much of a spoiled rotten bastard as I ever was.

Amongst a bunch of other junk, I got a sharp hatchet, a 4-piece knife set, and a big flashlight.


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Sounds like your holidays were pretty much like everyone elses....we're all just happy to get through it all, even if we go through it alone. I am sorry you feel so alone and depressed though, more than you'll know. Perhaps if you had had a change of setting, you might be a little closer than you thought to the things and people who once made you feel happy to be alive.....