Mar 29, 2005


I felt it today, many times. That rather intense emotion that sweeps over me, lifts me off my feet, and grants me wings. It's almost always very sudden in its arrival and just as quick in its departure, but while I am wrapped up in it, I couldn't be convinced that there is a single thing wrong in life: all that I seeheartastesmellfeel is flawless. All the complex little bits and pieces which are ordinarily askew seem to arrange themselves into a simple masterpiece of perfection. Locked into these moments of euphoria, I am reminded of the rationale behind why I continue to bother tolerating "reality" and the routine that is mandatory for maintaining a comfortable living. For all the unpleasantries of life, be it worrying about finances, struggling in school, or getting discouraged at work, I know that life has thousands more simple moments in store for me, moments that will flood me with joy and wonder--and the grating routine and constant looming threat of Ordinary will enable me to relish such moments even more intensely. Rather than waste my life searching for "ultimate happiness," that sort of perpetual state of joyousness one can only obtain if they're a character in a fairy tale, I would much rather accept that life is but a series of brief, passing episodes of elation and ebulliance and plenty of periods of gloominess and frustration to balance it all out. The former would not exist were it not for the counterbalance provided by the latter.

I met my mother in town about an hour from here to pick up my notebook computer which the repair centre had delivered back to my permanent address. It works for now, though there's no telling when it will go out again. The town itself was blanketed by a dense fog, and I found the atmosphere delightful. A small public garden lay across from the parking lot of Tex drive-in, inviting me to wander its narrow gravel paths. I could see the visible mist moving along before me as I strolled through a sort of lagoon. I find wandering about in the fog to be quite comparable to sliding about beneath a warm blanket. It's always very comforting and often extremely ethereal. En route to home, I witnessed the most blazingly vibrant rainbow I had ever seen over the ocean far below. Its colours were so intense it nearly made my eyes hurt, and I was compelled to don my shades even in the face of an approaching band of heavy showers. The late afternoon sun was intense, setting the windward verdancy ablaze, and intense also was the rain falling out at sea, making for one remarkable spectacle. That, and "Destiny" by Zero 7 happened to be playing. Euphoria. Before long, I ended up driving straight into the miniature rainstorm, or perhaps it drove straight into me, and the challenge of driving automatically increased tenfold. Not long after I made it home, I decided to start playing Total Euphoria on my iPod, grab my umbrella, and take a nice, long walk around town. I am glad I did, for it was an extremely enjoyable experience. I wandered around the park across the street for awhile, wading through puddles of water in the grass nearly knee-deep, then crept by the Pagan house, and the riverside dungeon (well, it's disguised as a power plant, but I'm sure much more evil things occur inside it than power generation). I paid very little attention to where I was going as I became more and more lost in the music, following desolate roads of asphalt that accomodated the transport of rushing water more so than traffic. At twilight, everything seemed tinted dark green; a dark, soaked, saturated rainforesty green. And most things smelled earthly: rushing water, wet wood and grass, and wildflowers and not-so-wild flowers. I was deeply entranced by everything.
As I sit here listening to the pouring rain which still has not ceased, I realise that I have not had a Tuesday this euphoric in a long time, and I do believe it's all thanks to the rain.

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